Sometimes when I’m working with an individual, it becomes clear that couples therapy could be beneficial. How does it become clear? Usually when the main issue is around conflict with a partner. Yes, there is often work that can be done individually, however there comes a point when couples therapy is the key to moving forward.
While I don’t offer couples therapy, I know that entering couples therapy can feel overwhelming. Today I’m going to give you a few famous couples therapists & their books and some podcasts and let you find out which one you are most drawn too. I’m also adding a podcast recommendation at the end for any of you with partners who don’t want to go to therapy.
Tips on Finding A Good Fit
- Find a therapist that each partner respects (not like necessarily). If one person does not respect or find the therapist to be helpful, find another one. It might take more than one try to find a fit.
- Say things out loud to your therapist when you don’t feel heard, feel that they are biased, or they’re missing something. Otherwise, a person can be tempted to go back to unhelpful patterns that they play out in relationships – pretending things are fine, going quiet, getting loud, blaming or self-blaming and many more. BUT the difference is, you’re paying this person and they should be welcoming your honesty.
- If you have a specific reason you’re seeking therapy – find someone who has expertise in that area. A therapist with a niche will have likely worked with similar issues with others before and they can answer any questions you may have about the process and potential results from working with them.
Alright let’s get to it.
Terry Real
Terry’s work is highly regarded in the field of couples therapy. Tim Ferriss’ podcast: Terry Real – The Therapist Who Breaks All the Rules will give you a sense of whether you resonate with his approach or not. This podcast also goes into reasons to stay in relationships and gives clear examples of when it really isn’t going to work.
Terry’s website has a variety of courses & resources. Terry is an expert working with male depression and trauma. One of his most beloved books is Fierce Intimacy (only available by audio). You can listen to part of his book for free here. Also here are his 5 Winning & Losing Strategies in relationships.
Esther Perel
Another heavy-weight in couples therapy is Esther Perel. She has a famous podcast where she shares her sessions with real couples. The podcast is Where Should We Begin?
She is an expert in infidelity, eroticism, and so much more. Some of her notable books include: Mating in Captivity & The State of Affairs.
She was also interviewed by Tim Ferriss: The Relationship Episode – Sex, Love, Polyamory, Marriage, and More #241.
Dr. Julie & John Gottman
The Gottman method has a lot of research into what makes relationships thrive and working your way through conflict. There are many resources on their website.
Their podcast is: Conversations to Strengthen Your Relationships.
How Do I Get My Partner(s) To Go to Therapy?
It is normal in a relationship for my person to want to go to therapy and the other one to be not interested. If you’re looking for some tips & ideas, try out the podcast Dear Dr. Tracy and listen to the episode: How to Get Your Partner to Go to Therapy.
Of course there are many more therapists and types of techniques out there. My hope in this post today is to give you sense for a few different styles & approaches available. But ultimately it’s about finding that person you and your partner(s) connect to & respect the most.
