Psychotherapy and Counselling Articles

Articles related to psychotherapy and counselling.

Reconciling The Death Of Queen Elizabeth With The National Day For Truth And Reconciliation

September 30, 2022 by Juanita Lepage Leave a Comment

On September 30th, Canada instituted a National Day for Truth and Reconciliation. This is a day for Canadians to acknowledge the truth of residential schools and the long-term impact on Indigenous children, families, and communities.

On September 8th, Queen Elizabeth II died, and a public holiday was also given on September 19 to acknowledge her death.

So in summary, we acknowledge colonialism on one day and then 10 days later, the impact that the monarchy, the government, and White people have played in the genocide of Indigenous people in Canada’s history.

Needless to say, the timing is interesting. The timing has given space for a variety of emotions to arise. I’ve had a variety of conversations about this topic, so I thought I’d attempt to write about it.

Duality

Often in therapy, there is a goal of being able to hold space for mixed emotions. Every person will hold a variety of emotions towards their parents and how they parented them. Often times, people get stuck in believing that we can only hold positive or negative emotions towards a parent, when in reality, we’re more complex than that.

On one end of the spectrum, children of abusive parents may have mixed emotions of anger and love towards an abusive parent. Often a person will feel shame that they have any love towards that parent.

On the other end of the spectrum, children who say the phrase, “I had a great childhood”, often minimize any conflictual emotions they experience towards a parent or are completely unaware of any. They may learn to not feel any negative emotions at all or feel shame about their negative emotions.

When we don’t acknowledge or we try to push away our negative emotions, it comes out sideways in our lives with anxiety, depression, and irritability, addiction and many other ways. It also impedes our ability to truly hold space for others who are feeling these emotions too.

How This Connects To The Queen

It is important to acknowledge the feelings of love and grief that you may have about the Queen’s passing. Many people have stories of meeting her, having a connection to their heritage, or to an aspect of her personal life. If you’ve watched the Crown, you may have some empathy and awe towards her as she navigates the responsibility of being Queen at such a young age. Your feelings of love and connection are valid and deserve your attention.

You also may have feelings of apathy or anger towards the Queen and the damage the monarchy has inflicted on so many people. I’ve watched season one of The Crown and it was painful to watch how she betrayed her sister, her husband, and ultimately herself. These feelings are also valid and deserve your attention.

The addition of having to swing from two opposing holidays of grieving the Queen to acknowledging the monarchy’s impact on the Indigenous community within a short time span can be a lot to absorb.

White Privilege

If you felt a lot of love for the Queen, you may not be able to switch to reflecting about the harm the monarchy has caused in the span of 10 days. So don’t. We are not emotional light bulbs that can switch to the relevant emotion of the day.

BUT, put some time in your calendar at some point to take the time to reflect on reconciliation with Indigenous people in Canada or whichever country you live in.

If you’re a White Canadian, when it comes to supporting Indigenous communities, we often fall into the trap of looking at our leaders in government and the monarchy and say a version of, “They were such great parents! They did their best in the time they lived with what they had”.

Or we can get defensive and say, “I had no idea these things were happening, so it’s not my fault”.

As a White Canadian, I have the privilege of being apathetic towards the government and the monarchy if I’d like to because racism isn’t a daily impact on my personal life.

My invitation to my White audience, is to consider opening the door to see if you can hold space to connect to what was happening while we live(d) our protected lives. Can we acknowledge the impact of what it must’ve been like for Indigenous people to be here in Canada for the past few centuries? Can we acknowledge the impact of residential schools that were here until 1996? Can we acknowledge the ongoing racism that still occurs in our communities?

Hamilton (The City)

If you live in Ontario, we have Municipal elections happening in October. This is a great place to explore looking at leaders that embody anti-racist platforms. In my city of Hamilton we have the Hamilton Anti-Racist Resource Centre – where you can learn about ways to support our community. The school boards have also been learning and trying to implement more anti-racist policies.

Where could you put more energy into being an anti-racist in your community? You don’t have to do it all, it’s about starting to make intentional change.

In the next few months I’ll be sharing a few anti-racist books that crossed my path that you may want to explore. If you have any books or resources that you love, please share!

As always – thanks for reading and I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

My Crush On Physics

September 15, 2022 by Juanita Lepage Leave a Comment

When I was in high school, I loved physics. I was at the exciting point in time where physicists were discovering that light was both a particle and wave. It was also when Stephen Hawking published A Brief History of Time and the concept of black holes wowed me.

Unfortunately, as much as I liked physics, I never did very well in those classes. My brain could never really understand it in the way I wanted to no matter how I tried.

When I went to the Barbara Brennan School of Healing, part of their marketing was to highlight that Barbara Brennan was a Nasa physicist. And yes, I was impressed and curious how this woman bridged her scientific background into become a master energy healer and teacher.

Over time many people have tried to bridge this gap with books and teachings – Bruce Lipton, Lynne McTaggart, and Dean Radin were some of the first authors I came across. And again, I would read their books and understand parts of it – but I would reach a point in the book were it got pretty fuzzy.

My husband studied physics in university and he recently recommended a podcast about quantum physics. Once again, I eagerly listened to it, and you know what – I didn’t understand all of it, but I did understand parts of it. And as fuzzy as it is in my brain, I still find it all quite exciting.

The podcast was Tim Ferriss interviewing Donald Hoffman – The Case Against Reality, Beyond SpaceTime, Rethinking Death, Panpsychism, QBism and More.

I mean – the Case against Reality? beyond SpaceTime? Rethinking Death? – All things I’m interested in. The long-story-short that I got from this episode is that the Newtonian model of physics is limited. Our material world and it’s laws are only one part of our reality. In terms of light being both a particle and a wave – the same can be said for everything including ourselves.

If you’ve ever had an energy healing, had connection to the spirit world, or had weird things happen in your life that defy material-based logic, this will be of no surprise to you. Most people I meet have at least one mysterious experience in their life, not defined by logic, that is often said in a hushed tone of not wanting to be judged for talking about their experience out loud. Naming our energetic parts as real is not a way to get rid of the mystery, but to add some validity and clarity to the complexity of being in a human on earth in this space and time. Our brain and it’s function of deduction and understanding is only one aspect of ourselves.

Dr. Joe Dispenza

More than one person in my life has mentioned the name of Joe Dispenza. I kept him in the back of my brain as someone to learn more about. Out of curiosity, I decided to read his most recent book Becoming Supernatural.

And you know what I loved? He explained quantum physics in a way that my brain understood.

Side Note: For all of you science people, my husband has pointed out that while his descriptions make sense, Dispenza is explaining theories more as facts, so take that into account. Yet at the same time he has a beautiful way of taking science-speak and putting it into terms most of us can understand.

The exciting part of acknowledging ourselves as both “a particle and a wave” or both matter and energy, is that it gives us more than one way to heal in our lives and shift our lives into what we want them to be.

Joe Dispenza has had incredible success in helping people overcome serious health issues in their lives with his approach.

Counselling & Energy Healing

I have loved combining both talk therapy and energy healing. Sometimes we need to understand ourselves and our patterns in lives so that we can make conscious changes. Other times, we benefit from having a hand with this by balancing, clearing, and recharging our energy field. Energy healing offers support, clarity, and energizes and solidifies the intentions you have in your life. I find that everyone thrives with a different combination, and that this combination changes over time and situation. I have seen people make and maintain big and small shifts in their lives with this combination.

Guided Meditation

Recently, I have been enjoying Joe Dispenza’s Morning Meditation and his Chakra Blessing Meditation. He has quite a variety of meditations to choose from on YouTube. If he’s not your style, I encourage you to try out other meditations that have an uplifting and/or supportive quality. If you haven’t meditated, or haven’t meditated in a while, guided meditation is nice way to ease into regular meditation.

Avoiding The Spiritual Bypass

Bringing energy healing into therapy offers a person an element of grace on their journey that is beyond their contributions of effort or will. There are always stories of people who have spiritual epiphanies without seemingly having to make any changes in their lives. At this point in time, I have not experienced that to be the norm. More often than not I see the effort to “bright-side” or always be positive and never acknowledge anger or shame or grief (for fear of bringing more of that into one’s life), as spiritual bypassing. Spiritual bypassing is a mask that covers the pain and true feelings that lie underneath.

I see Joe Dispenza’s work as matching very well with the psychotherapy model of Internal Family Systems. Joe Dispenza helps people, “raise their vibration” to joy, love, and higher frequencies”. Internal Family Systems helps people connect to “Self” – the part of ourselves that acts more as a witness to our thoughts and opens space to consider a different story behind our old patterns and then hold space for the wounds and the heavier emotions we feel, so that they can finally move and clear.

In my work using Internal Family Systems therapy, I have seen people heal old patterns.

Either way, both methods require time and commitment to strengthening these parts of ourselves that can be in a “higher vibration” so that a person than can also hold space for all the shadow parts, old patterns and emotions connected to old wounds. Too often in the spiritual world, I have witnessed a fear of acknowledging anger, pain and shame. These are not emotions to be feared – they are often quite valuable and have served a purpose. AND these parts of yourselves are not the full picture of who you are and what you bring.

Also both methods hold an element of grace around timing. There is no sweet spot or amount of time or energy that guarantees a specific result. However, the energy put into shifting old patterns will not be for nothing – they will help you interact with life with more vitality and less heaviness.

Whew!

Alright, that was a lot. If you’ve done any of Joe Dispenza’s work, I’d love to hear about it. And if you’re a physics nerd or have a physics crush like I do..I see you 🙂

A Message Of Hope

June 14, 2022 by Juanita Lepage Leave a Comment

I don’t know about you, but every once in awhile I dip into the news or reflect on the turbulent weather we’ve had, and I start to worry. There’s always a part of me that wants to have a pulse on what’s happening in the world, and then a part that feels depressed and overwhelmed and considers a glass of wine and some deep sighs.

At the same time, I’ve been reading and watching things and having conversations that remind me to notice the positive shifts happening in our world. If you follow someone (on social media) that inspires you or you’ve read or watch something that’s inspiring, please share!

#PrideMonth

We’ve got a long way to go and at the same time we’ve come so far! It’s been so exciting to see more movies and shows that are more inclusive. I’m still waiting for a queer version of Love is Blind – it’s overdue!

One of the sweetest shows I’ve watched is Heartstopper on Netflix. Thanks to one of my sisters for recommending it. The show follows two teenagers – Nick and Charlie – and their romance. It’s very much a heart-opener.

On the Insta, I will read anything by Roxane Gay. She is an incredible writer – both her books and her articles bring depth, clarity, and insight to a variety of topics. If you haven’t read her perspective on the Will Smith/Chris Rock debacle – it’s a must read. Why Jada Pinkett Smith Shouldn’t Have To ‘Take A Joke’ (and neither should you)

A Shift In Perspective

If you’re looking for ways to hold space for a different perspective beyond doom for our world or for changing any sticky patterns in your life, here are few people who are committed to helping people do just that. These three women inspire me in my job and in life.

Martha Beck: She recently wrote the book The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self. She offers a multitude of exercises to process what is happening in the world or yourself, and ways to shift them. She demonstrates how making shifts in yourself really does help makes shifts in the world. I love how she shows that this is a process – we don’t need to demand big changes in ourselves overnight – it’s about starting (or continuing) the process.
Sharon McMahon – she’s an American having conversations with both democrats and republicans about big issues in the USA. Whenever I find someone who has managed to connect with both sides, I lean in and get curious. She has a podcast and she has a lot of great material on Instagram. I love how she encourages people to reach out and thank or praise people in public office who are doing good things.
Byron Katie: Multiple people refer to her as an enlightened being on this earth. She is a master of helping people change their stuck perspectives. You can find her at The Work.

Conversations

Another thing that I’ve noticed over the past few months are the more inclusive conversations. Parents asking their kids, “what do you want to wear” for grad? versus assuming it’ll be a dress or a suit. Men apologizing after they notice their comments or actions were sexist. People stepping up and taking action to make their neighbourhoods or work-places a more inclusive space. People stepping up for the environment in their communities and life.

I think it’s really important to notice these things in our lives and continue to take action both in shifting our own perspectives and speaking up in our family and community. All of these things matter, and none of our actions or words are too small to start making a difference.

Summer

It’s summer-time here, so over the next few months I might be sending out a post, or I might not. I’m going to leave it to the fates that be lol. Whatever season it is where you are, I hope you have some down-time over the next few months and that you find music, food, people, and situations that are nourishing and inspiring to your spirit.

I promise, I’ll be back in September – and as always, thanks for reading! And I always love reading anything you want to share.

Psychics & Life After Life

June 1, 2022 by Juanita Lepage Leave a Comment

One of the fun parts of being an energy healer and psychotherapist, is that I often get to talk to people about experiences beyond the 5 senses. My experience as an energy healer often shows to people that I’m open to a world beyond what is logical, mind-centred, or limited to what we can see right in front of us.

Almost everyone has had an experience in their life that defies current logic, but it’s not always safe to share that information. I love it when people share about their experiences with spiritual guides, visits to psychics, using tarot cards or situations they’ve been in that defy logic. I’ve certainly had many of those types of experiences too.

I remember seeing the late Sylvia Browne, a popular psychic, in Vancouver years ago. She said she had close to an 80% accuracy rate. She answered questions from the audience and it was fun to be in a space with so many other people who were curious about this world too.

Recently on Netflix (I feel like I’m always using this phrase lol), I enjoyed watching the Medium Tyler Henry connect to loved ones who have died. His accuracy is incredible. He is so light-hearted and kind with every person he meets. He also shares his struggles with being a Medium for himself or family members he’s close to. If you’ve lost a loved you (including pets) that you were close to or didn’t get closure with, I highly recommend this series.

On the heels of that show, I was introduced to a book by medical doctor Raymond Moody Jr. called Life after Life.

Raymond has collected hundreds of stories of near death experiences. He shares many of them in this book with all the commonalities. While of course life after death isn’t something that can be scientifically proven, he acknowledges that he’s been convinced by the number of stories that have been shared with him. For anyone nervous about death, this is a wonderful highly recommended read. I certainly felt a lot of peace after reading this book.

Have you been to a psychic? How did that experience go for you?

Third Chakra 101

May 17, 2022 by Juanita Lepage Leave a Comment

Every year when the Forsythia starts to bloom in my back yard, I breathe a sigh of relief that Spring is officially here (not that March 21 nonsense). Gorgeous yellow flowers that will warm my heart for 3-4 weeks until summer weather arrives.

Forsythia always remind of the third chakra. And every year I think about writing about that, and today is the day! Today I’m going to keep it simple for anyone wanting to learn more about their third chakra. If you’re brand new to chakras, I encourage you to start with my post – Anatomy of Energy Healing (Energy Healing 101).

Location

The third chakra is located in your solar plexus, above your belly button and below your ribs. Each chakra opens in 2 directions – the front of your body and the back of your body.

Colour

Vibrant sunshiney yellow! It can vary in brightness and hue.

Biological Functions

The simplest way to connect the chakras to biological functions is to notice what key organs and body parts are located near that chakra. This organ is strongly connected to digestion. Organs in this area include stomach, intestines, liver, pancreas, gall bladder, kidneys, adrenals and spleen (A lot of organs!). Research has shown that our nervous system is connected to this area too.

Psychological Functions

The front-facing third chakra is connected to your sense of who you are in the world. It is connected to our relationship with our personal power.Your back-facing third chakra is connected towards your intention towards your physical health.

Element

The third chakra is associated with the sun. There is fire energy in this place. Personal power and taking steps towards your physical and emotional well-being require energy. It matches the energy of Spring and Summer, where energy starts to move again after a slowing down during Autumn and Winter. You can see this as people start to exercise more, get outside and become more social.

How To Nourish Your Third Chakra

The third chakra is associated with digestion, both physically and psychologically. Healthy eating and exercise are both helpful for this area. This does not need to be dramatic to have a positive impact on your third chakra – it is about starting to do even one thing differently in your life.

If you’re the type of person who thrives on doing – then sometimes nourishing yourself will be the action of rest or slowing down. Again – it’s not about stopping all the things you do, it’s about adding more rest or slowness into your life.

If you have stomach issues or digestive issues, reflect on areas in your life that you are having trouble digesting. Seek out help in moving this area or bringing healing to them – psychotherapy is a great way to help digest these areas in your life. There is a lot of clearing and determining what to keep in your system and what to let go that happens in the organs in this area. Sometimes (Not always) this relates to emotions too – what are you holding and what do you struggle to release?

Playing With The Third Chakra

Gentle ways to play with the third chakra and it’s energies are wearing yellow or wrapping yourself in a yellow blanket. If you like crystals, it’s choosing a yellow one that you’re drawn to. If you resonate with sound, search Youtube for chakra balancing sound baths or meditations. Add some yellow flowers to your garden, altar, or in a vase in your home. Dandelion bouquets and crowns are welcome too.

Resource

If you’re interested in diving more deeply into the anatomy of chakras, my favourite book is Anodea Judith’s Eastern Body Western Mind: Psychology and the Chakra System as a Path to the Self.

How To Respond To Allegations Of Sexual Assault

May 4, 2022 by Juanita Lepage Leave a Comment

Today I’m dipping into a heavier topic. I debated between this one and something lighter, but I find when topics stick around in my brain, I generally know I’ve got to write about it before I can move on to another topic.

I’ve been so thrilled to see television shows and books show how to be supportive when someone shares about sexual assault or abuse. There are have been so many stories shared over the years focusing on whether or not the victim is telling the truth. In reality, it is incredibly challenging for a victim to say what happened out loud and then be at risk of not being believed, then shamed and potentially abandoned by those they love. The “long story short” is – Believe Them.

1. Book: Run Towards The Danger by Sarah Polley

I love this entire book and may dedicate an entire post in the future to all things Sarah Polley. This book is divided into 6 different stories. Her second story is entitled, “The Woman Who Stayed Silent”.

If you live in Canada, you probably have heard about Jian Ghomeshi, the CBC Radio Host, who got charged with multiple accounts of assault and was found not guilty. Sarah shares her experience of being sexually assaulted by Jian Ghomeshi and the internal struggle she had whether to speak up during the trial. Coming from a place of privilege and access to multiple lawyers (including her husband), 99% of the advice was, “I would have a very hard time recommending that someone I knew and loved come forward in a sexual assault case. p. 80).” She was also told that while it was safe to come forward to the police, that she would undergo much trauma as a result of process of the current legal system.

She ultimately decided not to come forward with her story because she was advised that the inconsistencies in her story might lead to more harm than good. That being said, she also received the message, “The advice you get from lawyers about what to do here isn’t necessarily going to be the same that you will give yourself as a woman, as a mother, as a political activist. p. 82).”

Two messages that stood out for me in her story were 1) Making a choice whether to and when to come forward with one’s story is a personal choice, And 2) Inconsistencies in one’s story is perhaps a way show that a person is telling the truth. These are both things that you can say to a person who shares information about sexual assault.

2. Netflix Show: Dear White People Season 3

This show is so good for so many reasons and like Sarah Polley, they don’t ever shy away from delving into challenging topics. Season Three dives into what to do when someone everyone puts on a pedestal is charged with sexual assault. A Black professor who has done incredible things for race issues at their College is the one charged with these allegations. A white girl is the one is hesitant to come forward. Everyone shares different opinions about whether they believe her and whether she should come forward.

Spoiler Alert (don’t read if you don’t want to know what happens). There are so few Black mentors at this college, that the student and mentee Reggie struggles the most to grapple with two sides of this professor. He thrives under this man’s mentorship and at the same time struggles with what to do if these allegations are true. Ultimately he shows viewers how to respond – he believes and supports the woman and stands up to the professor.

Message: You don’t need to respond perfectly the first time some one shares about a sexual assault. What matters is that you need to spend some time to reflect on what it is that makes it challenging for you to believe this person. What emotions does it bring it up? Can you make space for the complexity of having multiple opposing emotions? There is a heartbreak that happens when someone you love is the one who’s charged. And then after you’ve done this work, make sure you apologize to that person for your hesitation in believing them and tell them you are going to try and do better.

3. Show: Sex Lives of College Girls

In all honesty, I didn’t finish the first season, but I still want to give it a shout out. What I loved about this show was how it shared the complexity in the dynamic of a sex positive culture and also believing a “sexually promiscuous” person when they share about sexual assault. This show also shows a male peer at first not believing the individual and then later apologizing to this person. Yes!!! I’m all for more shows teaching audiences how to respond. We need more shows to continue sharing this message.

Message: Being sex-positive and enjoying sex with multiple partners doesn’t mean a person didn’t get sexually assaulted. Consent is deserved by all.

Summary

Believe the person
Choosing what/when/how to share one’s story is a personal choice
Inconsistency in one’s story/behaviours is likely a cue that their story is true
If you responded poorly to someone, reflect on your internal reactions (not the accuracy of their story) about why it’s challenging for you to support this person. Then apologize to them and support them.
Being a person who has sex with multiple partners doesn’t mean a person didn’t get sexually assaulted. Consent is deserved by all.
Also – Being a person who has had sex with one consistent partner doesn’t mean that this person didn’t get sexually assaulted by that partner