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My Trip to Israel & Jordan: An Exploration About The Concept of Risk

April 25, 2023 by Juanita Lepage Leave a Comment

Recently I got back from a trip to Israel and Jordan, and Wow! it was incredible. I’ve shamelessly included photos of Tel Aviv, and a few in Wadi Rum & Petra in Jordan.

At the same time, a lot happened emotionally along this journey of planning the trip and going there. I wanted to share this experience with you not as a “How-To” Navigate Risk, but more as “my path” of navigating risk throughout this experience and cultivating safety and support along the way.

A few months ago, I was feeling restless. I have an adventurous spirit. There were a few trips cancelled during COVID and I was eager to go somewhere with my family. My parents took me to interesting places as a teenager and these trips helped me feel my connection to the world and also marvelled at what our earth has to offer. This was something I wanted to offer my kids too.

Through a series of fortuitous steps, my husband and I found ourselves wanting to go to Israel and Jordan. We booked the trip for our family over Easter this year. Energetically, culturally and spiritually we thought this would be an interesting time, because not only was it Easter, but Passover and Ramadan too.

Over the time leading up to the trip, the political situation in Israel was showing some heat with 100s of thousands of people taking to the street in protests of the potential changes happening to their judicial system. The official decision about whether these changes were going to go through were scheduled in the middle of our trip. 1 day prior to going, the airport shut down outgoing flights and masses of people stopped working.

When people come to therapy, there is often a problem that requires a certain level of risk to either change or accept. Throughout the course of therapy people may learn:

1) What their risk-comfort level is in regards to the problem at hand

2) What they need to cultivate within themselves to make a choice that is best for themselves

3) What they need from the world & others to support them along the way

Knowing My Risk Comfort Level

When it came to making this decision about whether to go or not, I noticed that my risk-comfort level was high in this situation. The ability to tolerate risk is something I’ve cultivated throughout my childhood through both healthy and unhealthy ways. In addition, I have experience travelling on my own and with others, so this wasn’t the first place that I’ve ever visited.

Seeking Support

I was fortunate during this experience to have a friend in Tel-Aviv. The News can be heavily biased or it can be highly accurate. I really didn’t know, so I was grateful to be able to connect to someone living there.

My friend was nervous. We both wanted to spend time together, and at the same time it hadn’t been this politically rocky in Tel Aviv in a long-time for him. The part I didn’t know about him was his risk-comfort level, so I had to keep this in mind.

I also knew that I needed to steer hard and fast from discussing this dilemma with the anxious travellers in my life. They were not going to be helpful with this decision as their fear would lead their decision.

What I needed was to talk to someone who had a similar risk comfort level as me. For me, that was my husband and my sisters.

My husband is very grounded and also invested in keeping our family safe. We both acknowledged we would be sad to cancel this trip, but that a high degree of physical safety was important. This led my husband and I to not stay in Jerusalem, but book a day-trip there instead.

My sisters have travelled extensively and to areas that also are labelled, “risky”. They both reminded me that I couldn’t let fear be my loudest guide in this decision and we explored what the potential risks were and whether my family & I were okay with that.

Through conversations, my husband and I decided to take it one day at a time leading up to the trip and ultimately cancel if needed. I will say that if the vote in Israel hadn’t been delayed and the escalation in protests amplified even louder, our decision may have been different.

I want to highlight here, that asking for support has not been my strength and this is something I’ve been working on. Years ago, I remember watching an episode of Modern Family and seeing the responsible sister Alex describe herself as a “self-cleaning oven”. Yes Alex, I can relate.

Yes, I could’ve muscled through making this decision all in my head, however the support throughout the decision-making process reduced my stress-level and helped me to not take on all the responsibility.

Wadi Rum, Jordan – famously in Dune, Star Wars, The Martian

Intuition

Another thing I did in this situation was connect to my intuition. I can have moments of strong knowing about the future. Not always, but when it shows itself, I listen. This knowing can be an anchor to hold onto along the way. I felt a sense of certainty within myself that goes beyond reason. My instinct for this trip was that we were going to be going.

On the day before leaving, when everything was shutting down in Israel, the government made a decision to delay the date of the decision about the judicial changes to way after my time there. I won’t lie, that was a big relief.

Adapting To Risk

For the first part of our trip, the politics and events in Israel were uneventful. However close to the end of our trip, there were big things that happened in Jerusalem – I don’t think I can do justice to explain it all.

Needless to say, we had booked our day-trip to Jerusalem on Good Friday. The government had decided to bring in over 2000 extra police on this day. At the same time some rockets were going back and forth between Israel and Syria & Lebanon. There were also some random acts of terror in various locations.

So while we would’ve loved to see Jerusalem, we opted not to. A reason to go back 🙂

Petra, Jordan – Approaching The Treasury (as seen in Indiana Jones)

Perspectives On Risk

When I asked my sons whether they felt safe in Israel & Jordan, they 100% agreed that they did.

As a parent, I would say that 95% of the time I also felt safe there. Certainly, my husband and I carried the responsibility of safety for our children.

Throughout the most heated time that we were there, thousands of people were at the beach and living their lives.

We cancelled our day-tour to Jerusalem, but it still ran, and there was no incidents.

The last night we stayed in Tel-Aviv, there was an incident nearby where I heard the most sirens I’ve ever heard in my life. In the evening, a car had struck some pedestrians, flipped over, the man came out of his car, and he was immediately shot.

By the next morning, lots of people were out and enjoying that same area.

At first it was thought to be an act of terror, but later the news shared that it was probably someone who had a heart-attack. That fact is not as easy to find on the news.

My friend in Tel Aviv talked about how culturally people often keep their doors unlocked or everyone knows each-other’’s door-codes. His opinion was that this was almost a way to counteract the base-level of fear in the country. People weren’t afraid of their neighbours, in fact there was a feeling of unity amidst it all.

We met an American living in Israel, and he said that he felt safer living in Israel than the States.

On the plane ride to Israel, the plane-ride was packed with people coming to visit for Passover. We also met plenty of tourists enjoying their time in Israel & Jordan.

Whew – that was a lot! My invitation to you, is to explore one area in your life that you are navigating risk, and reflect on what inner or outer resources you might need to support you along the way.

Whenever I get to travel, I’m always reminded about how connected we all are. I was also struck by the avenues of support that were available along the way if I took the time to notice and connect to them.

As always – I’d love to hear about any stories you want to share about your travels or navigating risk.

Learning To Sit With Discomfort

March 16, 2023 by Juanita Lepage 1 Comment

I posted the following quote by Michael Singer a little while back, “When a problem is disturbing you, don’t ask, “What should I do about it?” Ask, “What part of me is being disturbed by this”. As I re-read it, I thought – yes!! Lately I’ve been sitting in a place where I know I need to pause and listen and instead I’ve become an over-achiever in doing shit. This is a major clue for me to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN and listen to the physical tension in my body and that my thoughts are keeping me awake at night.

If you’re a thinker or a doer like me, then it can be very challenging to pause and take 10 minutes to reflect on the larger pieces at play with the issue at hand. There’s something so appeasing to my doing and thinking parts about Getting. Shit. Done. The culture we live in has hard-wired us to problem solve (do) instead of listen (be with).

As an entrepreneur, there are so many opportunities to create, problem-solve, tweak a little bit more, fail, succeed, and learn a shit-ton along the way.

There are also plenty of ways to avoid and numb ourselves when discomfort arises. What would it be like to notice that pattern of avoidance or numbing and leaning into why we are doing this?

Sitting With Discomfort

Today’s post is short and sweet – if you’ve found yourself on the hamster wheel of life with different problems in your work or personal life: Pause. Take 5 minutes and ask the question, “What part of me is being disturbed by the reality of this problem or solution?

The more challenging part will be creating safety within yourself to sit with any discomfort that arises during this exercise. Often as we start to sink into the emotions, we will somehow find an urgent thing that has to be done this second. We find many creative ways to not stay present with the discomfort of the emotions that arise.

It can be helpful to journal, say it out loud and yes – talk to a therapist if you get stuck in this process.

Shift From the Micro to the Macro-lens on your Life

Today I’m inviting you to explore your larger beliefs and fears at play in one situation in your life. Often when we’re able to connect to these beliefs and rewrite them in our lives, the problem doesn’t look the same anymore.

After you learn to sit with groundedness, safety and support with this part that feels disturbed, you will gain insight and clarity, and perhaps release some old emotions.

So many times, I’ve worked with clients after they’ve done this work and they comment, “That situation would’ve been so challenging for me in the past, but it doesn’t even bother me anymore”. It’s can feel a little eerie and also so freeing.

Where do you need to shift to a wider perspective in your life? Where have you made changes in your life that have shocked you with how different your perspective is now?

Prince Harry & Gabor Maté

March 6, 2023 by Juanita Lepage Leave a Comment

I had just finished reading Prince Harry’s book, Spare. A few weeks prior to that I had lightly read Gabor Maté’s new book, The Myth of Normal (sorry Gabor, that book was longer than I wanted it to be). I was contemplating a post about Prince Harry’s book when…

Imagine my delight when my inbox flashed with an invitation to sign up for an exclusive interview between Gabor and Harry. From an undisclosed location of course.

If you’ve ever seen Gabor live, you will know that he’s very authentic. He shows up quirks and all. He will be kind, he will be reflective, but he won’t hide behind any niceties. So I was curious to see how this interview would enfold.

Spare

I loved reading this book by Prince Harry. The reference to the word Spare is what he was called at birth. They had the Heir – William and the Spare – Harry.

After having decades of people telling their version of his story in the media, he takes the time to share what it was like to grow up with extreme wealth & privilege while at the same time trying to fit the mold of what he was supposed to be like to be accepted by his family. He shares his wounds and his healing journey.

The Myth of Normal

If you’ve read any of Gabor Maté’s books – When the Body Says No, Scattered Minds (ADHD), or in the Realm of Hungry Ghosts (Addiction), there is a strong theme of exploring the myth of what is deemed “normal”. I highly recommend all of his books. The Myth of Normal felt like that beautiful moment when the central themes of previous books come together into one.

The Interview

One of the strong themes that Gabor & Harry discussed was the universal dilemma of authenticity vs. attachment. When we are children, we learn what is acceptable by our families and what is not. We then learn to engage with people and the world in different ways to manage that reality.

Prince Harry found areas in his life where he started to connect with his authenticity when being in the army and Botswana, but anytime he returned to London excited by some of this, it was quickly crushed down or disregarded.

As adults when we try to continue to use child-hood patterns of coping, these coping mechanisms often start to fail at some point. This leads us to find ways to manage the symptoms that emerge. Sometimes it shows up as a diagnoses, sometimes it shows up as regular substance use or abuse, sometimes it shows up in repressing emotions or reacting in violence (verbally or physically) or passive-aggressively.

At some point, we may seek help to see our blind-spots, bring compassion to these areas, and consider different ways to be and live in our lives.

Prince Harry’s 6 Methods of Healing

Prince Harry talks about writing this book as an act of service. In a world where men often feel like they’re not supposed to be vulnerable, he wants men to see that vulnerability can be freeing.

Gabor and Harry summarized his main sources of healing

Therapy: Bringing awareness, acknowledgement & processing past pains and intentionally making new choices for the future
Nature: Harry talks about how being outside, wherever he has been in the world, has helped him connect to who he is
Meditation: He’s an on-again off-again meditator, but found it helpful as a tool
Psychedelics: He described how these helped him remove life’s filters and redefined reality for himself. Both he and Gabor talked about how how psychedelic use (with a guided professional) helped them see the unconscious parts of themselves and process some of this.
Relationship: Harry talks about how his relationship with Meghan (and others) helped him see his blind-spots and become a better person. They also brought healing and attachment when he showed his authenticity.
Service to Others: He talks about how starting a non-profit for war veterans and also his environmental and community work in Botswana as being big sources of healing for him

The Gifts

Freedom

The risk of breaking out of old patterns is the loss of attachment from important people in one’s life. Prince Harry talked about how challenging it has been too lose attachment with people he loves. At the same time, you could see the relief and joy on his face as he expressed the gift he has been given from this process: Freedom.

Facing his Racism with his silence

He also talked about his journey to own his white privilege and speak out and take action against racism.

Love

Perhaps the biggest gift he got was a more loving relationships. He and Gabor talked about the importance of touch. Both grew up in environments with the loss of physical touch for different reasons.

“It’s All About Energy”

I couldn’t have made this up if I even tried. Yes, they both talked about energy – how our energy impacts those around us and becoming aware of that and making decisions based on this. Many of us can pick up energy in a room and whether it’s a good time to be there or not. As an Energy Healer, I just loved that they said it out loud. 100 percent.

Last Thoughts

This was a thoughtful interview. You can tell that they don’t know each other well, and that Gabor has read The Spare whereas Prince Harry has not read The Myth of Normal. I continue to be awed by Gabor’s energy and his willingness to show up and have challenging conversations with empathy and curiosity. Prince Harry very generously shares more of himself, when it might be easier not to.

During Christmas this year, my husband’s family got into a friendly debate about Prince Harry & Meghan doing things that seem the opposite of wanting privacy. The people who had watched the Netflix special had empathy for them. Those who hadn’t watched it had much less. Gabor highlights this feedback as being similar online – those who haven’t read the book or watched the Netflix series can show up has judgmental and cruel online. Those who have taken the time to read The Spare or watch the Netflix Series see things with much kinder eyes and words.

Did you watch the interview, the Netflix series or read Prince Harry’s book? Did you feel more empathy for them afterwards? I’d love to hear your thoughts and reactions.

Anti-Racist Reads For Collective Healing

February 9, 2023 by Juanita Lepage Leave a Comment

It’s Black History month and I thought I’d share some books that have come across my path over the last year. Some are more analytical and some are very heart-felt. As we all put energy into healing this collective wound, this impacts all of our physical, mental, and spiritual health in a profound and positive way.

When it comes to being more anti-racist, I find it’s easy to get overwhelmed when I reflect on how far I still need to go. At the same time, I have some compassion for myself, as becoming anti-racist doesn’t happen in the course of a month.

As Resmaa Menakem writes,

“Consider Malcolm Gladwell’s observation that it takes about 10,000 hours of practice to become highly proficient in almost any serious endeavor. By the time African Americans reach adulthood, many have spent 10,000 or more hours learning how to navigate the dangers, constrictions, and contradictions of white-body supremacy. They have done this not by choice, but as a matter of survival. In comparison, most white Americans have spent zero time in such endeavors, for the obvious reason that they haven’t needed to navigate white-body supremacy, but have received support and assistance from it. White people who want to grow out of white-body supremacy now need to put in a similar amount of time and effort in order to change themselves and create new culture.” (p. 267, Manekem – My Grandmother’s Hands)

Committing to 10,000 hours of anti-racist work isn’t the goal (although can you imagine if we all did that?), it’s more the idea that it’s important to start or keep learning, growing, and making changes in parallel with the rest of our life. 1 hour is better than 0 hours. If you were to do one thing this month, what might you do?

Books

Three books that I’ve picked up in 2022 and continue to read and refer to this year include:

Me and White Supremacy – Layla F. Saad
My Grandmother’s Hands – Resmaa Menakem
It was Dark There all the Time – Sophia Burthen and the legacy of slavery in Canada – Andrew Hunter

Me And White Supremacy

If you are a person who holds white privilege and love the idea of journalling and reflecting, this might be the book for you. She gives readers four weeks worth of daily reflections. Even better, she has a guided journal where you can go through the 28 day reflection process.

Local Perspectives

It Was Dark There All The Time

Andrew Hunter is a white Hamiltonian who has written specifically about local connections to slavery. If you’re from Ontario, I’d recommend this read. Otherwise, I’d encourage finding something local about your own geographic area.

The Skin We’re In

This book is a few years older, yet if you’re looking for something more current than looking at our past history, I’d recommend Desmond Cole’s The Skin We’re In. Desmond Cole is a black journalist, activist and author based in Toronto, Canada. Canadians can get a bit smug about living in Canada and thinking we’re less racist than our American counter-parts. Desmond shares his reality and the reality of many other black Canadians. On my list is to also watch his documentary about the creation of this book on CBC Gem.

My Grandmother’s Hands

Menakem’s book is both for BIPOC and white individuals. This book is exceptional. It has heart and soul. Resmaa brings guidance about going beyond understanding racism and healing through reflections and also connecting to our bodies. He delves into the evolution of racism and encourages white individuals to reflect on their own trauma as bridge towards healing. He describes how the trauma of racism is collective for all people. He gives a lot of exercises to try out that can help release past trauma and also reflective questions for all readers. He’s also involved in a variety of online courses with Education for Racial Equity.

If you want a recommendation for one book to read, I’d choose My Grandmother’s Hands. As always, if you have any books that you’ve loved about anti-racism, please share!

To Change Or Not To Change

January 17, 2023 by Juanita Leave a Comment

“Imagine that at the bottom of the mountain is your lover. As you ski down the mountain, keep your torso always facing your lover. You want to keep showing your best-side.”

That was probably the best advice I got to improve my skiing over the holidays from one of my best friends. I don’t have a lover (i’m not that exciting), but the point was taken. And voila! My skiing improved over the course of the day.

I have a family that loves to ski and I’ve been along for the ride. Each year when I go I stay fairly intermediate at my level of skiing. Most years, I’m fine with that level, but this year as my kids started to get better than me, I had a choice to make – stay at my comfort level, or intentionally try and get better.

I reflected that this is true for so many areas of our life – do we want the status quo or do we want a change?

Reflection

Am I happy with the status quo in this area of my life or do I want to make a change?
Do I have the energy, space, and/or time to make this change?
Where/When can I create some time/energy/space to move towards the change I want to make?
Can I break this big change down into smaller steps? What’s the first one?

The Status Quo

In the culture that values growth and change, I think that embracing the status quo gets a bad rap. Sometimes there’s power in saying, “I need to make a change in this area, but I’m not ready, so I’m not going to.”

You may worry that I’m enabling bad behaviour, but the purpose of this is to release the layer of shame and guilt we have about not making a change. This layer of guilt/shame often makes it even harder to make a change. No one needs that. There is a power in being truly honest with oneself. If this feels too edgy for you, try saying, “I commit to not making a change in this area for 1 month. I’ll revisit this on _____________”.

The Power Of Small Steps

Small steps for big goals can be powerful. Sometimes when we look at big goals or changes we’d like to make, we want burrow away and hope tomorrow looks better.

I get like this when I think of the environment. I greatly admire people who make bold changes and lead in this area and often think I should be doing something much grander than what I’m doing. Instead, it’s been more powerful to pause and pick one area I want to make a change – e.g. buy more local produce.

Often, as I give myself permission to make small changes, I naturally start to do more in that area. But I can’t do it from a place of self-judgment or overwhelm.

The same can be said for any other areas we want big changes – the momentum of starting with small steps leads to less judgment/overwhelm and naturally gets the process moving towards the change we want to make.

Make It More Enticing

The example of facing my best side towards my lover is way more exciting than saying “face your torso towards the bottom of the mountain”. Is there a way to add a little spice or excitement to the thing you want to change?

Sometimes, it’s making a change with support – having a friend or group join you or just congratulate you on doing the first step. Sometimes it’s changing your environment while you brainstorm how to break a big goal into smaller steps. It could be adding a reward for yourself after completing the first step. Maybe you’ll just change the wording around your change and it’ll feel more interesting to you.

What kind of changes or goals do you want to make this year? What changes do you know you’re not ready to make and need to be a little kinder to yourself about it?

10 Ways To Self-Soothe During The Holidays

December 12, 2022 by Juanita Lepage Leave a Comment

The holidays are a bit of a set up for everyone. There is this expectation that we will have a magical experience together with our families. Everyone’s tired and stressed out and then we add more stress with a big dinner with everyone together. We then have a million different opinions about COVID, politics, and then a group of people with a variety of coping strategies from quietly repressive to giant and explosive. Really, it’s a miracle if you have a family Holiday get-together full of peace and joy.

One of my favourite Christmas traditions with my husband’s family was getting an annual Smuckers Jazzy Christmas (SJC) album from his brother and family. For 19 years, my brother-in-law would burn a CD with a selection of Jazzy Christmas songs and frame it with a cheeky photo of their cat Smuckers. The annual CD is the reason we still have a CD player. Sadly, Smuckers passed away a few years ago, but he still lives on every Christmas. Last night I was listening to SJC #16 and I was sipping a glass of wine and listening to Leslie Odom Jr. sing F avorite Thing s, and I could feel my heart open and I started to relax. The song was so enjoyable and soothing and I reflected that (say what?!) this song was about self-soothing. If that voice is familiar – he’s the original Burr in Broadway’s Hamilton.

CD cover album of Smuckers Jazzy Christmas

Overwhelm

I’ve been seeing a strong theme of emotional overwhelm this past month, and when we’re overwhelmed, it’s hard to problem-solve or see a path forward. For those times when our nervous systems are stuck in fight-flight or freeze, self-soothing can be a great tool to provide even an iota of ease into our lives.

I was listening to Abby Wambach and Glennon Doyle chat with Alex Elle about How To Heal on their podcast – We Can Do Hard Things. Besides being a great conversation about the ups and downs of healing, this podcast also talked about self-soothing. What is it? What has been shown as culturally appropriate self-soothing and what’s not? Do you even know how you self-soothe? They share their own journeys with self-soothing and how it’s helped them in times of overwhelm.

During the holidays and/or times of overwhelm, self-soothing is a practical tool to have with you.

10 Ideas for Self-Soothing

The easiest way to come up with ideas is to use your 5 senses. Which senses are you most drawn to – taste, smell, touch, sound, or sight? Here are 2 ideas for each sense for the month of December.

Taste

First off, taste is always a tricky one – it requires a little self-reflection about what’s actually soothing to you and what’s actually numbing. When in doubt about it’s impact on you, don’t choose anything with caffeine or alcohol.

Drink a cup of herbal tea or something cool and refreshing
Eat something slowly – e.g. one holiday sweet or a clementine

Smell

Pick an essential oil or perfume and smell it. Or put a small amount on your wrist so that you can discretely smell it when you need to.
Go for a walk and smell the fresh air

Touch

Wear something that feels soft and cozy
Pet a cat or dog

Sound

Listen to one song by one of your favourite artists
Listen to nature sounds on YouTube or wherever you get your music

Sight

Look at a piece of art
Look at photos on your phone that make you smile

Getting to know what is soothing for you is a personal journey. Sometimes our preferences change over time. One thing will be soothing for one person and soul-grating to another. Experiment.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, take 60 seconds and ask yourself, “What do I need for the next 5 minutes?” Go with your instinct. Or just close your eyes and see where your finger lands on the selection of ideas in this post.

Bonus if you can find things where you can soothe yourself in multiple ways – e.g. a walk outside can touch multiple senses.

Whether you’re having a family get-together this season or you’re at home alone, what can you bring to your day that’s self-soothing for you?