Juanita Lepage MSW, RSW, BHP

Counselling & Energy Healing (289) 812-8089 Hamilton, Ontario

Spirituality

Learning To Sit With Discomfort

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I posted the following quote by Michael Singer a little while back, “When a problem is disturbing you, don’t ask, “What should I do about it?” Ask, “What part of me is being disturbed by this”. As I re-read it, I thought – yes!! Lately I’ve been sitting in a place where I know I need to pause and listen and instead I’ve become an over-achiever in doing shit. This is a major clue for me to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN and listen to the physical tension in my body and that my thoughts are keeping me awake at night.

If you’re a thinker or a doer like me, then it can be very challenging to pause and take 10 minutes to reflect on the larger pieces at play with the issue at hand. There’s something so appeasing to my doing and thinking parts about Getting. Shit. Done. The culture we live in has hard-wired us to problem solve (do) instead of listen (be with).

As an entrepreneur, there are so many opportunities to create, problem-solve, tweak a little bit more, fail, succeed, and learn a shit-ton along the way.

There are also plenty of ways to avoid and numb ourselves when discomfort arises. What would it be like to notice that pattern of avoidance or numbing and leaning into why we are doing this?

Sitting With Discomfort

Today’s post is short and sweet – if you’ve found yourself on the hamster wheel of life with different problems in your work or personal life: Pause. Take 5 minutes and ask the question, “What part of me is being disturbed by the reality of this problem or solution?

The more challenging part will be creating safety within yourself to sit with any discomfort that arises during this exercise. Often as we start to sink into the emotions, we will somehow find an urgent thing that has to be done this second. We find many creative ways to not stay present with the discomfort of the emotions that arise.

It can be helpful to journal, say it out loud and yes – talk to a therapist if you get stuck in this process.

Shift From the Micro to the Macro-lens on your Life

Today I’m inviting you to explore your larger beliefs and fears at play in one situation in your life. Often when we’re able to connect to these beliefs and rewrite them in our lives, the problem doesn’t look the same anymore.

After you learn to sit with groundedness, safety and support with this part that feels disturbed, you will gain insight and clarity, and perhaps release some old emotions.

So many times, I’ve worked with clients after they’ve done this work and they comment, “That situation would’ve been so challenging for me in the past, but it doesn’t even bother me anymore”. It’s can feel a little eerie and also so freeing.

Where do you need to shift to a wider perspective in your life? Where have you made changes in your life that have shocked you with how different your perspective is now?

How Do Spiritual Leaders Deal With Their Anger?

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Years ago I googled, “Dalai Lama Angry”. I was in a state of honestly wondering what spiritual leaders do with their anger. I was tired of being in spiritual and psychotherapy communities that by-passed their anger. In the spiritual world I rolled my eyes every time I read some trite advice about “letting it go” or “opening your heart”. In the psychotherapy world I felt anger when models said “anger is a secondary emotion” or “you just need to shift your thoughts to change your emotion”.

Um, anger can actually be a very accurate response to a situation – anger can sometimes be incredibly healthy. Too often the anger gets the focus and not the problem underneath.

I remember feeling relief as I watched a Youtube video of the Dalai Lama lashing out towards someone. Part of me felt relieved at seeing such a strong Spiritual Leader having such a human moment.

Shifting The Stigma About Anger

I have been thrilled to see a slight opening in dialogue about anger emerge from spiritual leaders.

Here are few!

Jack Kornfield

Jack Kornfield is a leader in the Buddhist meditation world. He was interviewed by Tim Ferriss in June. Here’s a link to their conversation: How to Overcome Apathy and Find Beautiful Purpose.

Jack tells a great story about returning from a few years in retreat in a monastery and finding himself struggling with his anger as he started to be around people (right?!!). He shares that for him, he realized that he had a strong discomfort and judgment towards his own anger. He did some body-based psychotherapy to help him process his anger and learn new ways to be present with it. He doesn’t share his ongoing journey with anger, but I love that he shares that he needed something different than meditation to help him.

Tim then shares how the process of therapeutically expressing anger, generally just makes him more angry and more stuck in his anger. Jack gives him some ideas from a Buddhist approach.

Dan Harris

First of all, Dan would likely hate be called a spiritual leader. He is a news anchor who had a panic attack on live television and that was the impetus to start exploring meditation. He is wonderful for anyone who is more cynical about spirituality, and he has a great sense of humour.

Recently he gave a Ted Talk: The Benefits of Not Being a Jerk Towards Yourself. This one is short and sweet (13:39). Dan shares about his cringing hesitation to try being kinder to himself and his journey to get there. After practising meditation for years, he decided to do a 360 review (a corporate type of performance evaluation). He was noted as being arrogant, rude, and a diva. He then set out to change this and shares the multitude of things he tried and that a (spoiler alert) silent meditation retreat with a a loving-kindness approach towards himself, was a big piece in helping him shift. He realized that if he was nicer to himself, he was then able to be nicer to others. After his second 360 review, he shares his transformation.

Joe Dispenza

I’m new to the Joe Dispenza world, and his work is often interpreted as by-passing sadness, anger, grief, and the more challenging emotions. Here’s a great article he wrote trying to dispel that understanding: Emotions Are Not Your Enemy. He doesn’t share at all about his own journey with anger, but he tries to normalize the process of feeling emotions and highlights his work is often beneficial for anyone who finds that they are stuck in those emotions and past experiences. If you’re a new subscriber and missed my most recent post that includes him – here’s the link to learn more My Crush On Physics.

And More?

If you’ve seen a spiritual leader share about their own journey with anger, please share that with me, I’d love to hear more.

And if you’re curious to explore anger a little more, I seem to write at least one post a year about his topic, so here are a couple of them.

My Crush On Physics

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When I was in high school, I loved physics. I was at the exciting point in time where physicists were discovering that light was both a particle and wave. It was also when Stephen Hawking published A Brief History of Time and the concept of black holes wowed me.

Unfortunately, as much as I liked physics, I never did very well in those classes. My brain could never really understand it in the way I wanted to no matter how I tried.

When I went to the Barbara Brennan School of Healing, part of their marketing was to highlight that Barbara Brennan was a Nasa physicist. And yes, I was impressed and curious how this woman bridged her scientific background into become a master energy healer and teacher.

Over time many people have tried to bridge this gap with books and teachings – Bruce Lipton, Lynne McTaggart, and Dean Radin were some of the first authors I came across. And again, I would read their books and understand parts of it – but I would reach a point in the book were it got pretty fuzzy.

My husband studied physics in university and he recently recommended a podcast about quantum physics. Once again, I eagerly listened to it, and you know what – I didn’t understand all of it, but I did understand parts of it. And as fuzzy as it is in my brain, I still find it all quite exciting.

The podcast was Tim Ferriss interviewing Donald Hoffman – The Case Against Reality, Beyond SpaceTime, Rethinking Death, Panpsychism, QBism and More.

I mean – the Case against Reality? beyond SpaceTime? Rethinking Death? – All things I’m interested in. The long-story-short that I got from this episode is that the Newtonian model of physics is limited. Our material world and it’s laws are only one part of our reality. In terms of light being both a particle and a wave – the same can be said for everything including ourselves.

If you’ve ever had an energy healing, had connection to the spirit world, or had weird things happen in your life that defy material-based logic, this will be of no surprise to you. Most people I meet have at least one mysterious experience in their life, not defined by logic, that is often said in a hushed tone of not wanting to be judged for talking about their experience out loud. Naming our energetic parts as real is not a way to get rid of the mystery, but to add some validity and clarity to the complexity of being in a human on earth in this space and time. Our brain and it’s function of deduction and understanding is only one aspect of ourselves.

Dr. Joe Dispenza

More than one person in my life has mentioned the name of Joe Dispenza. I kept him in the back of my brain as someone to learn more about. Out of curiosity, I decided to read his most recent book Becoming Supernatural.

And you know what I loved? He explained quantum physics in a way that my brain understood.

Side Note: For all of you science people, my husband has pointed out that while his descriptions make sense, Dispenza is explaining theories more as facts, so take that into account. Yet at the same time he has a beautiful way of taking science-speak and putting it into terms most of us can understand.

The exciting part of acknowledging ourselves as both “a particle and a wave” or both matter and energy, is that it gives us more than one way to heal in our lives and shift our lives into what we want them to be.

Joe Dispenza has had incredible success in helping people overcome serious health issues in their lives with his approach.

Counselling & Energy Healing

I have loved combining both talk therapy and energy healing. Sometimes we need to understand ourselves and our patterns in lives so that we can make conscious changes. Other times, we benefit from having a hand with this by balancing, clearing, and recharging our energy field. Energy healing offers support, clarity, and energizes and solidifies the intentions you have in your life. I find that everyone thrives with a different combination, and that this combination changes over time and situation. I have seen people make and maintain big and small shifts in their lives with this combination.

Guided Meditation

Recently, I have been enjoying Joe Dispenza’s Morning Meditation and his Chakra Blessing Meditation. He has quite a variety of meditations to choose from on YouTube. If he’s not your style, I encourage you to try out other meditations that have an uplifting and/or supportive quality. If you haven’t meditated, or haven’t meditated in a while, guided meditation is nice way to ease into regular meditation.

Avoiding The Spiritual Bypass

Bringing energy healing into therapy offers a person an element of grace on their journey that is beyond their contributions of effort or will. There are always stories of people who have spiritual epiphanies without seemingly having to make any changes in their lives. At this point in time, I have not experienced that to be the norm. More often than not I see the effort to “bright-side” or always be positive and never acknowledge anger or shame or grief (for fear of bringing more of that into one’s life), as spiritual bypassing. Spiritual bypassing is a mask that covers the pain and true feelings that lie underneath.

I see Joe Dispenza’s work as matching very well with the psychotherapy model of Internal Family Systems. Joe Dispenza helps people, “raise their vibration” to joy, love, and higher frequencies”. Internal Family Systems helps people connect to “Self” – the part of ourselves that acts more as a witness to our thoughts and opens space to consider a different story behind our old patterns and then hold space for the wounds and the heavier emotions we feel, so that they can finally move and clear.

In my work using Internal Family Systems therapy, I have seen people heal old patterns.

Either way, both methods require time and commitment to strengthening these parts of ourselves that can be in a “higher vibration” so that a person than can also hold space for all the shadow parts, old patterns and emotions connected to old wounds. Too often in the spiritual world, I have witnessed a fear of acknowledging anger, pain and shame. These are not emotions to be feared – they are often quite valuable and have served a purpose. AND these parts of yourselves are not the full picture of who you are and what you bring.

Also both methods hold an element of grace around timing. There is no sweet spot or amount of time or energy that guarantees a specific result. However, the energy put into shifting old patterns will not be for nothing – they will help you interact with life with more vitality and less heaviness.

Whew!

Alright, that was a lot. If you’ve done any of Joe Dispenza’s work, I’d love to hear about it. And if you’re a physics nerd or have a physics crush like I do..I see you 🙂

A Message Of Hope

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I don’t know about you, but every once in awhile I dip into the news or reflect on the turbulent weather we’ve had, and I start to worry. There’s always a part of me that wants to have a pulse on what’s happening in the world, and then a part that feels depressed and overwhelmed and considers a glass of wine and some deep sighs.

At the same time, I’ve been reading and watching things and having conversations that remind me to notice the positive shifts happening in our world. If you follow someone (on social media) that inspires you or you’ve read or watch something that’s inspiring, please share!

#PrideMonth

We’ve got a long way to go and at the same time we’ve come so far! It’s been so exciting to see more movies and shows that are more inclusive. I’m still waiting for a queer version of Love is Blind – it’s overdue!

One of the sweetest shows I’ve watched is Heartstopper on Netflix. Thanks to one of my sisters for recommending it. The show follows two teenagers – Nick and Charlie – and their romance. It’s very much a heart-opener.

On the Insta, I will read anything by Roxane Gay. She is an incredible writer – both her books and her articles bring depth, clarity, and insight to a variety of topics. If you haven’t read her perspective on the Will Smith/Chris Rock debacle – it’s a must read. Why Jada Pinkett Smith Shouldn’t Have To ‘Take A Joke’ (and neither should you)

A Shift In Perspective

If you’re looking for ways to hold space for a different perspective beyond doom for our world or for changing any sticky patterns in your life, here are few people who are committed to helping people do just that. These three women inspire me in my job and in life.

  1. Martha Beck: She recently wrote the book The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self. She offers a multitude of exercises to process what is happening in the world or yourself, and ways to shift them. She demonstrates how making shifts in yourself really does help makes shifts in the world. I love how she shows that this is a process – we don’t need to demand big changes in ourselves overnight – it’s about starting (or continuing) the process.
  2. Sharon McMahon – she’s an American having conversations with both democrats and republicans about big issues in the USA. Whenever I find someone who has managed to connect with both sides, I lean in and get curious. She has a podcast and she has a lot of great material on Instagram. I love how she encourages people to reach out and thank or praise people in public office who are doing good things.
  3. Byron Katie: Multiple people refer to her as an enlightened being on this earth. She is a master of helping people change their stuck perspectives. You can find her at The Work.

Conversations

Another thing that I’ve noticed over the past few months are the more inclusive conversations. Parents asking their kids, “what do you want to wear” for grad? versus assuming it’ll be a dress or a suit. Men apologizing after they notice their comments or actions were sexist. People stepping up and taking action to make their neighbourhoods or work-places a more inclusive space. People stepping up for the environment in their communities and life.

I think it’s really important to notice these things in our lives and continue to take action both in shifting our own perspectives and speaking up in our family and community. All of these things matter, and none of our actions or words are too small to start making a difference.

Summer

It’s summer-time here, so over the next few months I might be sending out a post, or I might not. I’m going to leave it to the fates that be lol. Whatever season it is where you are, I hope you have some down-time over the next few months and that you find music, food, people, and situations that are nourishing and inspiring to your spirit.

I promise, I’ll be back in September – and as always, thanks for reading! And I always love reading anything you want to share.

Photo of me enjoying summer

Psychics & Life After Life

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One of the fun parts of being an energy healer and psychotherapist, is that I often get to talk to people about experiences beyond the 5 senses. My experience as an energy healer often shows to people that I’m open to a world beyond what is logical, mind-centred, or limited to what we can see right in front of us.

Almost everyone has had an experience in their life that defies current logic, but it’s not always safe to share that information. I love it when people share about their experiences with spiritual guides, visits to psychics, using tarot cards or situations they’ve been in that defy logic. I’ve certainly had many of those types of experiences too.

I remember seeing the late Sylvia Browne, a popular psychic, in Vancouver years ago. She said she had close to an 80% accuracy rate. She answered questions from the audience and it was fun to be in a space with so many other people who were curious about this world too.

Recently on Netflix (I feel like I’m always using this phrase lol), I enjoyed watching the Medium Tyler Henry connect to loved ones who have died. His accuracy is incredible. He is so light-hearted and kind with every person he meets. He also shares his struggles with being a Medium for himself or family members he’s close to. If you’ve lost a loved you (including pets) that you were close to or didn’t get closure with, I highly recommend this series.

On the heels of that show, I was introduced to a book by medical doctor Raymond Moody Jr. called Life after Life.

Book: Life After Life
Book: Life After Life

Raymond has collected hundreds of stories of near death experiences. He shares many of them in this book with all the commonalities. While of course life after death isn’t something that can be scientifically proven, he acknowledges that he’s been convinced by the number of stories that have been shared with him. For anyone nervous about death, this is a wonderful highly recommended read. I certainly felt a lot of peace after reading this book.

Have you been to a psychic? How did that experience go for you?

Reflections On Mercy

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I’d be lying if I said I gave much thought to the concept of Mercy. This Christmas I was given the beautiful book – Hallelujah Anyway: Rediscovering Mercy by Anne Lamott.

Maybe you’re well acquainted with mercy, but in case you aren’t, mercy can be seen as offering forgiveness and unconditional love when our brain lists the many valid reasons not to.

Anne Lamott reflects on mercy with wit, honesty and humour. She’s a beautifully irreverent Christian who gives examples in her own life where she’s struggled to offer mercy. She also shares parts of the Bible that speak to mercy. Note: She is LGTBQI++ friendly Christian, hooray!

Here are a few reflections on the concept of mercy.

Mercy Cannot Be Forced

Forgiveness to someone who has hurt you or forgiveness to yourself is not something you can force yourself to do using will power. It’s a moment of grace where you make a shift and you might not even be sure why. It’s imagining that you are opening the internal doors of yourself to even a little bit of light.

Mercy To One Self Is Just As Important As Mercy Given To Others

Many people are excellent at giving mercy to others, but can’t extend that same gift to themselves. This is something I’ve certainly struggled with: holding on to those times that I did something kind of mean or in ignorance and at the same time easily forgiving someone else who would’ve done the same thing.

A great question to ask yourself is: Who do I forgive most easily in my life – myself, others or no one?

What is your first reaction to the thought of extending mercy to yourself or others?

I remember reading how the spiritual leader Ram Dass always put a picture on his altar of the individuals he was struggling to extend mercy towards. Who would be on your altar?

Mercy Is Not The Same As Not Setting Boundaries

Giving mercy is not martyrdom. If you’re giving mercy to everyone else and not yourself, that’s a big imbalance. If you have someone in your life who doesn’t take any accountability for their actions, it’s important to set a boundary. This can be a courageous place to show mercy to yourself for your struggle to set a boundary. It’s never too late to treat yourself with the same kindness and mercy you extend to others.

Starting With Intention

I haven’t forgiven all those that have wronged me. I’d love to blame the other and hold onto self-righteousness sometimes. Like Anne Lamott, some circumstances are either too fresh or I just don’t want to.

Anne would suggest using prayer. Ram Dass would suggest putting a photo of that person/those people on your altar. Another way is to start by asking:

Who am I struggling with right now? How can I open myself (even a little bit) to extend mercy here?

“What would it be like to forgive myself/other person? What might it’s impact be on my life?

Or: “I’d like to forgive __, maybe not today, but sooner, rather than later. I don’t know how that’s going to be possible, but I’m going to put it out there.”

All of these options open your world to the possibility of grace happening to allow mercy into your life. It’s the arrival of true compassion where none existed before.

“I’m not sure I even recognize the ever-presence of mercy anymore, the divine and the human: the messy, crippled, transforming, heartbreaking, lovely, devastating presence of mercy. But I have come to believe that I am starving to death for it, and my world is, too.” – Anne Lamott