You’ll have to indulge me this week – whether you’re a fan of the show Survivor or not, I wrote this with the hope that anyone could get something from this post (but if you’re a Survivor fan, it’ll be that much more fun 😊).
My youngest son recently watched the movie Lord of the Flies for his Civics course in high-school (Read into that what you will). The premise of that book is exploring what happens when a group of kids get stranded on an island. Will they survive? How will they survive? Many books, shows & movies explore this premise, but my favourite one is the show Survivor.
The show Survivor has been around for 25 years(!!!). I watched the first few seasons of the show when it came out and then got lost in the sea of young children and no network television. I rekindled my connection to this show earlier this year – and I’ll have to blame/thank Mike White for that.
Who is Mike White? Mike White is the creator of the show White Lotus. Maybe you’ve heard of it? 😜After watching season 3, I wondered, “Who is the person who created this show?” And then promptly went down the internet rabbit-hole and found out that he’d been on Survivor Season 37. I then watched the show and realized that a number of the cast had cameos in each season of White Lotus (lucky!). I shut-down my Netflix account and got a little obsessed with the show.
The Basic Premise of Survivor
So first of all, if you’re a fan of the show, you can ignore this next paragraph. If you’re not, I’m going to give you the synopsis of the show. Put approximately 20 people together on an island in Fiji for 26 days. Divide them into 3 groups and make them earn their food & tools (e.g. fishing gear, camp supplies) to survive through a series of challenges or journeys. Every 2-3 days whoever loses the group challenge has to vote out one of their group at Tribal Council. This continues until 3 players are left. Those 3 players then have to convince a group of their peers to choose them as the sole survivor.
One of the things I love about this show is that you NEVER know who is going to win (just as you never know who’s going to die on White Lotus). It could be anyone dependent on combination of skill & luck.
4 Lessons from Survivor for Mid-Life
1. Pivot to What Life Brings You (Adapt)
On Survivor, the cast knows the basic premise and framework of the show, but there are many elements they don’t have control over. They don’t know who’s going to be in their tribe (will they gel? will they win challenges?). They don’t know whether they’ll be pummelled by rain or swelter in the scorching heat. They might not know who’s got the immunity idol (which might keep them safe from being voted off). They don’t know what twists the producers have created for this season of the game. If a cast member is in their 40s or older, there will be fewer people in this age group and they must find a way to connect & align with their much younger tribe-mates. Some get voted out immediately and others go on to win the game.
Some individuals get incredibly lucky and never have to vote someone out until half-way through the game. Some happen upon an advantage or are given one by a peer. Stephanie in Season 10 (spoiler alert) lands on a tribe where they lose every single immunity challenge. Some people get injured and have to leave the game. Most players on Survivor will have times when they are the top of the game and times they are the bottom. The best players accept the hands they are dealt and adapt. Watch Season 47 and follow Andy & Rachel. It’s one of my favourite seasons.
Just like on Survivor, in mid-life you never know what curve-balls life is going to bring you. You have a general sense of the changes life will bring (kids growing up, aging parents, body changes and other life transitions), but sometimes you get a series of many challenging things all at once. Other times the sun is shining down on you and everyone’s healthy, you’ve got jobs and life is peaceful and fun. Nothing is based on fairness.
It is inevitable that we will all go through hard times. To get through hard times we need allies, we need acceptance, we might need some grit, we need to lean into our strengths and feel what we feel. Sometimes life is really hard. We all have different adaptive skills (yes – you too). What are yours?
2. Play to Your Strengths & Lean into Support
Three of the all-time favourite OG players in Survivor are Cirie, Parvati & Sandra. All three players are strong social players who lean into their individual strengths. Cirie is everyone’s friend and people can’t help but trust her even when shouldn’t. Parvati is flirtatious, charismatic and a challenge-beast. Sandra is famous for flying under the radar, yet planting seeds of doubt and persuasion along her way.
Parvati recently wrote a book Nice Girls Don’t Win: How I Burned it All Down to Claim my Power. She shares about how her best Survivor games are when she leans into her strengths (she’s played multiple times). I’ve watched her seasons and when she leans into her strengths – she shines. There is not one type of person who wins the title of sole Survivor – it’s often the ones who lean into their strengths and has the respect of their allies. While there is only one Survivor at the end of the season, they need allies to win (or they won’t get a single vote).
When we find ourselves in a pile of hard things in our lives – we sometimes think we need to become a different person to survive it all. Spoiler alert – you don’t. It can be helpful to reflect on your strengths and lean into those parts of yourself to get yourself through tough times. Maybe your strength is your ability to take care of yourself, maybe it’s your connections with others, maybe it’s your ability to advocate. You don’t need to be all things and if possible support is invaluable. It is hard to get through hard things all by yourself.
You will also likely have to make some hard choices to pick your priorities – which brings me to the next point – you need to vote someone off the island.
3. You Need to Vote Someone Off the Island
In Survivor, (almost) everyone at some point will have to write someone’s name down to be voted out of that episode. There have been buckets of tears shed on this show about being blind-sided or having to vote someone out that they really loved. Season 37 is a great season for blind-sides.
Almost every cast member comments that it was a lot more challenging then they thought it would be to vote someone off even though “it’s a game”. Also voting someone out can sometimes gain you their respect (and later they’ll vote for you to win) or they might hate you until the day they die (and try to ensure you never win).
During rough times, we also have to make some tough choices and let go of people who aren’t serving us or bringing us down. We might have to really look at our priorities and choose what parts of our lives to remove for a period of time. This sounds so easy in theory until we’re in it. Setting boundaries with some people is really easy and with others can create a lot of tantrums and drama to the point you start to question that choice (until you feel the positive result of that decision maybe years later).
4. Be Authentically You & Play the Game
One thing the host of Survivor, Jeff Probst, says frequently, is that cast members do best if they are authentic. That authenticity can carry people a long way in the game and at other times will get them voted off. Only one person gets to be sole Survivor, but every one gets to play.
Thankfully in life, there is no award for the person who survives the best. We all get to play this game called life and there’s no ONE right way to do it.
I think we’ve all gone down the rabbit-hole of comparison on social media or in life. I love my photo-albums, but I remember some rough years where I joked that I should make one of all the hard moments to keep it more real (but I don’t know if I really want to remember all of the tough times).
Social media (aka Tiktok therapy) can also give us a million ideas of what might ease our pain or help us heal. But guess what – those ideas might not be for you. You might be a person who needs a lot more quiet time. You might be a person who needs more social time. You might have to work on setting boundaries or you might have to reflect on your part in problematic dynamics. What is authentic to you? Where do you need to push yourself more and where do you need to be kinder to yourself?
The above image is Teeny from Season 47 being authentic and leaning into the mud and a chance to have a glass of wine.
Thank you for indulging today with my current Survivor obsession. If you’re a fan – let me know your favourite season or cast-member. Also Season 49 is out now, free to watch on Global (in Canada) if you want to have a reality show that has adapted with the times and there is never a dull moment.
