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Juanita Lepage MSW, RSW, BHP

Counselling & Energy Healing (289) 812-8089 Hamilton, Ontario

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Distraction

To Meditate Or Not To Meditate: Easy Ways To Get Started Or Restarted

November 1, 2018 by Juanita Lepage Leave a Comment

woman meditating near water

I have been an on again-off again meditator for years.  I have always envied those individuals that have made meditation a regular habit in their lives.  When I met my husband, he would meditate daily for 30-minutes to an hour every morning and evening. He would invite me to join him, but at the time I thought it looked pretty boring to sit silently for that long. He too goes through periods of meditating and not meditating.

Over the years I would read about people such as Ram Dass, Yogananda, or Michael Singer who had mystical and transformative experiences meditating, and I thought, “Well of course if you’re having that type of “wow/life-changing” experience, you would continue to meditate”. Or I would think, “Of course if you’ve chosen the spiritual vocation as your life path, these transformative experiences would happen”. And then at the same time I would read about stories of people who meditated for years and never had that “wow” experience while meditating.

So, if I can’t get a Guarantee of that “Wow Factor”, Why Meditate?

So, without having the “wow” factor goal in mind, I wondered why meditation would be so highly recommended for individuals.

  1. Physical, mental, and emotional benefits

Calmness, focus, centeredness, happiness, better health, and self-love are all benefits of meditation.  It seems that as each year goes by, more and more research demonstrates the healing benefits of mindfulness[1]  or meditation for more and more things. Pain, mental illness, stress, and burnout is just a few of the things it can help with.  Just google “research meditation” or “research mindfulness” and you’ll notice a plethora of information at your fingertips.

When I taught Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) to teens and adults, mindfulness was a key component to this therapy. The main benefit of mindfulness in DBT is to help a person pause and connect with their thoughts & emotions and how they are using this information to interact with the world. Many other types of psychotherapy involving mindfulness have been created too, with the most famous probably being Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) created by Jon-Kabat Zinn. In other psychotherapies, the word mindfulness is never mentioned, but it is used in practice to help a person connect to their emotions and bring awareness to thoughts.

  1. Spiritual benefits

If you’re on a spiritual path, meditation seems a key part in going deeper into one’s spiritual journey whether it be with a religion or a more general spiritual path.  Meditation allows a person to connect beyond themselves to something on a much grander scale – God, the universe, specific religious individuals such as Jesus or Buddha, and more.

Where Do I Start (or restart)?

 

Books

  1. Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book Wherever You Go, There You Are, was one of the books that inspired me to start meditation. It’s an easy read with short chapters. This book is especially helpful if you’re interested in the Physical, Mental, & Emotional benefits. If you’re a person who is interested in being mindful but doesn’t want to sit quietly in meditation, this book provides many other options.  You can do anything mindfully. Really.
  2. Want a book that also captures the spiritual benefits? Michael A. Singer’s The Untethered Soul  is succinct and you can tell from the depth and simplicity of this book that he is a seasoned meditator.

YouTube Meditations

There are a lot of guided meditations available on YouTube, it can be a matter of trying a few to find your favourites.

  1. Tara Brach is my favourite person to listen to for a guided meditation. I love her voice and her variety of meditations. You can find many selections on her website or on YouTube.

Apps

There are many apps related to mindfulness and meditation. After not meditating for many months, I tried the 14-day trial with Headspace.  This was a great way to hear if I liked the person’s voice for guided meditation and try out some of their meditations.  When flying on Air Canada earlier this year I found some of their meditations available on the online entertainment system.

After the 14-day trial I decided to buy a subscription for a year (They offer a great discount after you’ve completed the trial).  I really appreciate the options to have a 1 minute or a 30-minute meditation.  Also my screen can be dark and it can keep playing (unlike YouTube). Some days I’m happy if I meditated for 1 minute. Other days I want to meditate for a longer time.  They also have great packages for different topics such as sleep, restlessness, worry and more.

Summary

If you notice in your life that it feels busy, even a few minutes of meditation a day can provide benefits of restoration and calm.  Often between sessions with clients a take a few minutes to connect to myself and shift my energy from the past client to the next one.

I don’t use the word mindfulness in most of my sessions, but often I’m helping clients to connect with themselves in a deeper way to find the solutions that they seek. Many of us like to spend time in our minds, and while we would benefit from connecting with our bodies or our emotions, we are often not practiced at doing so. We are often on the move.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you found something to inspire you to start or restart your journey with meditation!

 

[1] Meditation is a form of mindfulness. There are many ways to be mindful without meditating, but meditation is a popular method of mindfulness.

Filed Under: Energy Healing Articles, Life Skills, Psychotherapy and Counselling Articles Tagged With: anxiety, Depression, Distraction, grief, jon kabat-zinn, meditation, Mental Health, resources, tara brach

Summertime Reading: Books For Pleasure & Reflection

August 16, 2018 by Juanita Lepage Leave a Comment

This summer I’ve been reading like I’ve never read before. I pick up a book and I devour it.  Next.  My kids are at the age where they like to read too, which gives me more opportunities to read as well.

I have generally been a reader in my life, althought certainly the amount and style has ebbed and flowed over time.  When I lived in France, the library and the English book store were two of my favourite places.  When you’re immersed in a foreign language, being surrounded by books in your native language is a pleasure. I loved going to the library in town and perusing the compact English section.  Now I often get my books from my local library in Canada.  I like to own non-fiction and hold onto some fiction if I think i’ll read it again. I prefer the physical presence of a book in my hands versus a digital copy if I can get the actual book.

Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, challenges readers to spend a week without reading anything.  She writes that most people find this one of the most challenging weeks of her 12 week course and greatly resist it.  One of the points of the exercise is to notice how we are using reading in our lives and see if it’s for growth and pleasure or procrastination.  If our jobs are creative, we can use reading as a distraction from focusing on what we need to.  Notice I haven’t been blogging for over a month?  I’ve been reading. Last summer I tried a  week without reading or using screens, and I completed a lot of projects.

Reading can be an escape for me from doing things I “should” be doing, and it can also be a pleasure in my free-time to spend time with a good book.  I like that time goes more slowly when I’m reading than when I’m watching television.

For the most part I’ve been reading Fiction this summer.  Sarah J. Maas’ Throne of Glass series, Karen Marie Moning’s Fever series, and Jacqueline Winspear’s Maisie Dobbs series have occupied much of my summertime reading.  Intermittently I have added some non-fiction which I’ve included in the mix of 4 books to share with you.

The Books

Karen Marie Moning’s Feversong (Book 8 in the series)

Michael Pollan’s How to Change Your Mind: What the New Science of Psychedelics Teaches Us About Consciousness, Dying, Addiction, Depression, and Transcendence

Maria Shriver’s I’ve Been Thinking… Reflections, Prayers, and Meditations for a Meaningful Life

Alice Miller’s The Drama of the Gifted Child

1. The Guilty Pleasure

I recently had a conversation with a friend about books you read but you don’t really talk about it with everyone.  You know what I’m talking about – that harlequin romance, that young adult series, or Fifty Shades of Grey.  But then in passing you mention said series, and you realize that many people are reading these books too.

A friend of mine introduced me to the Fever series by Karen Marie Moning.  This is one of those series that you are likely to both love and hate.  I have rolled my eyes, I have judged the characters (and myself for reading the series), and the pages of rehashing past events, yet I have kept reading the series.  The chemistry between the main characters is certainly a draw and the fantasy element of Fae and humans interacting and trying to save their respective worlds. These books are easy reading. Perfect for summer-time.

2. Up and Coming – Psychedelics & Psychotherapy

Michael Pollan is the perfect author to write about this heated topic. A skeptical New Yorker-style writer explores the history of psychedelics and it’s resurgence with clarity, groundedness, and evidence.  His vocabulary is much broader than my own.

There is a resurgence happening in the world of psychotherapy of integrating the use of psychedelics in treating addiction, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, terminal illnesses, and more.  LSD, psilocybin, MDMA (ecstasy), and ayahuasa are the main ones that I’ve heard and read about.  I’ve noticed more and more credible researchers starting to speak about this topic in 2018.  In fact Michael Pollan writes that there has been more research on psychedelics in the past 15 years than there was in the 60s.  Wow.  He is so intrigued by his own research that he decides to experiment with psychedelics himself in a guided environment.

If you’re curious to learn more but don’t feel like reading, I recommend two podcasts.

Consider:

Tim Ferriss – Michael Pollan: Exploring The New Science Of Psychedelics

Tim Ferriss – Gabor Maté: New Paradigms, Ayahuasca, & Redefining Addiction

3. Spirituality – Maria Shriver

I was listening to Krista Tippett interview Maria Shriver  and was impressed with Maria’s combination of fire and compassion.  She talks about finding her authentic voice in her 60s after decades of supporting those around her.  Her book of Prayers, Meditations, and Reflections are a great way to start or end your day.  Each reflection includes a story, a quote, and a small prayer.  They are each a few pages.  You can start at the beginning or randomly choose one.  She is a Catholic woman who is reconnecting with her faith.  This book isn’t specifically Catholic and can be read by anyone with spiritual interests.

4. Healing Old Wounds

Sometimes you find a book that is like a therapy session. Alice Miller’s book The Drama of the Gifted Child is exactly that.  The original title of this book was “Prisoner’s of Childhood” which is a better fit than the current title. This book matches my psychotherapeutic approach as it relates current problems to patterns developed in childhood.  Patterns often develop innocently in a way that serves our larger needs.  Over time this pattern becomes problematic in areas of our lives, and we’re often oblivious as to why we’re facing the same problem over and over in our life.

This book is especially humbling if you’re a psychotherapist yourself.  The author talks about the similarities in childhoods of psychotherapists (gulp).  The importance of choosing a psychotherapist who is doing her own work cannot be minimized.

What has made it onto your booklist this summer?

Filed Under: Psychotherapy and Counselling Articles, Spirituality Tagged With: Alice Miller, Distraction, Gabor Maté, Karen Marie Moning, Krista Tippett, Maria Shriver, Michael Pollan, Pleasure, Tim Ferriss

Distraction: Friend or Foe?

October 5, 2017 by Juanita Lepage Leave a Comment

Distraction parenting counselling

Someone asked me what I do when I’m overwhelmed with life.  I told them that I play Candy Crush.  Sweet, sweet Candy Crush. Even better, finding a place to hide in my house where I play and leave the world for a little while. For those of you unfamiliar with the game, it’s a very simple game available on your phone or tablet where each level is a couple minutes long.

Doesn’t that seem like the WRONG thing to do when you’ve got issues to deal with?  Yes and No.  Playing Candy Crush when I am feeling an intense emotion, such as stress or overwhelm, is a great way to take some space and find my center.  Even better if I’m in a space by myself.  I can play a few rounds and check-in with myself to see if my mood has shifted.  I will often feel the temptation to spend 16 hours playing this game instead of 10 minutes – like an ostrich covering her head in the sand.  But if my mood has shifted enough, then I can find the will to go and problem-solve and carry on with my day.

ACCEPTS – Healthy Distraction Skills

One of the most important skills that we teach teens with mental health issues is how to use distraction in a healthy way.  In Dialectical Behavior Therapy there is a distraction skill called ACCEPTS.

A is for Activities: Playing a game on your phone, going for a walk or drive, doing a chore, exercise, take a few deep breaths

C is for Contributions: Doing something for someone else to take your mind off your problems; make a card for someone, give someone a compliment or a cup of tea

C is for Comparisons: Compare yourself to either people who have been through something similar and who are an inspiration to you, or do things like read the news or gossip magazines

E is for opposite Emotions: Do something that evokes a different emotion than what you are feeling such as watch a funny or adorable funny YouTube video, watch a scary movie, or talk to someone who uplifts your mood

P is for Pushing Away: Imagine putting the current stress in a box, wrapping the box with chains and then throwing it in the ocean.  Repeat

T is for Thoughts: I call this the waiting room strategy – what do you do in a waiting room when you are really bored?  Count the ceiling tiles, do a crossword, read a book, count backwards, check your phone

S is for Sensations:  Hold ice in your hand, run very fast, have a hot or cold shower, put white glue on your arm and let it dry and then peel it off

Choose Items that Shift Your Mood in a Positive Way

The key in choosing the best ones are to find the things that shift your mood.  If you find that you feel worse after using one of the suggestions – pick something else.  You can always try it again another time if you feel inclined.

Parents are often worried that distraction is a poor skill that will not solve their children’s problems. They are absolutely right, distraction will not solve anyone’s problems and teens know this very well too.  Distraction skills are a strategic tool to help us get towards the space for problem-solving.

Anyone of any age is a poor problem solver when emotions are very high or very low. The goal of distraction is to shift your mood enough to get to the point of problem-solving.

If your teen is in a very angry mood, it is best in that situation not venture towards problem-solving until their mood has become less angry.  It can be good to let teens go to their bedroom and take some space.  The same is for parents, I don’t know about you, but I can think of times where I said something mean because it gave me pleasure to do so and didn’t help the problem.  The art is to notice when these thoughts creep up and then take some space to cool down.  Problem-solving comes after when things are less intense.

Depression

If your teen is depressed, then it can be helpful to invite them to do something with you.  If a teen is very depressed they will be unable to choose distraction on their own.  What is the least invasive way to engage them?  Say, “Let’s go for a drive and get a coffee”, and drive in silence if needed.  Watch a movie with them if that’s more their style.  Share a funny YouTube video with them that meets their sense of humour.  Even if they see you laugh at something they think is stupid, this can be therapeutic for some teens.  You know your teen best – what is a good distraction for them?

Self-Awareness

If you want an even broader perspective about distraction, the ultimate goal is self-awareness.  If we can be aware of our moods and our triggers, we will be less likely to react according to them and more to the situation at hand.  Sometimes distraction can last a few breaths and sometimes it needs days, but as you practice, the amount of time you need will lessen. A mindful use of distraction requires creativity and practice to be effective. Create a list of possible distractions when you are in a frame of mind to do so.  Take a picture of this list and keep it on your phone. Then when the need for a healthy distraction arises, you can thank yourself for making this list earlier.

What do you do when you need a break from life but you can’t disappear to a beach on Hawaii?

Filed Under: Life Skills, Parenting Articles, Psychotherapy and Counselling Articles Tagged With: DBT, Distraction, Mental Health

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