Depression

Learning To Sit With Discomfort

March 16, 2023 by Juanita Lepage 1 Comment

I posted the following quote by Michael Singer a little while back, “When a problem is disturbing you, don’t ask, “What should I do about it?” Ask, “What part of me is being disturbed by this”. As I re-read it, I thought – yes!! Lately I’ve been sitting in a place where I know I need to pause and listen and instead I’ve become an over-achiever in doing shit. This is a major clue for me to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN and listen to the physical tension in my body and that my thoughts are keeping me awake at night.

If you’re a thinker or a doer like me, then it can be very challenging to pause and take 10 minutes to reflect on the larger pieces at play with the issue at hand. There’s something so appeasing to my doing and thinking parts about Getting. Shit. Done. The culture we live in has hard-wired us to problem solve (do) instead of listen (be with).

As an entrepreneur, there are so many opportunities to create, problem-solve, tweak a little bit more, fail, succeed, and learn a shit-ton along the way.

There are also plenty of ways to avoid and numb ourselves when discomfort arises. What would it be like to notice that pattern of avoidance or numbing and leaning into why we are doing this?

Sitting With Discomfort

Today’s post is short and sweet – if you’ve found yourself on the hamster wheel of life with different problems in your work or personal life: Pause. Take 5 minutes and ask the question, “What part of me is being disturbed by the reality of this problem or solution?

The more challenging part will be creating safety within yourself to sit with any discomfort that arises during this exercise. Often as we start to sink into the emotions, we will somehow find an urgent thing that has to be done this second. We find many creative ways to not stay present with the discomfort of the emotions that arise.

It can be helpful to journal, say it out loud and yes – talk to a therapist if you get stuck in this process.

Shift From the Micro to the Macro-lens on your Life

Today I’m inviting you to explore your larger beliefs and fears at play in one situation in your life. Often when we’re able to connect to these beliefs and rewrite them in our lives, the problem doesn’t look the same anymore.

After you learn to sit with groundedness, safety and support with this part that feels disturbed, you will gain insight and clarity, and perhaps release some old emotions.

So many times, I’ve worked with clients after they’ve done this work and they comment, “That situation would’ve been so challenging for me in the past, but it doesn’t even bother me anymore”. It’s can feel a little eerie and also so freeing.

Where do you need to shift to a wider perspective in your life? Where have you made changes in your life that have shocked you with how different your perspective is now?

To Meditate Or Not To Meditate: Easy Ways To Get Started Or Restarted

November 1, 2018 by Juanita Lepage Leave a Comment

I have been an on again-off again meditator for years. I have always envied those individuals that have made meditation a regular habit in their lives. When I met my husband, he would meditate daily for 30-minutes to an hour every morning and evening. He would invite me to join him, but at the time I thought it looked pretty boring to sit silently for that long. He too goes through periods of meditating and not meditating.

Over the years I would read about people such as Ram Dass, Yogananda, or Michael Singer who had mystical and transformative experiences meditating, and I thought, “Well of course if you’re having that type of “wow/life-changing” experience, you would continue to meditate”. Or I would think, “Of course if you’ve chosen the spiritual vocation as your life path, these transformative experiences would happen”. And then at the same time I would read about stories of people who meditated for years and never had that “wow” experience while meditating.

So, if I can’t get a Guarantee of that “Wow Factor”, Why Meditate?

So, without having the “wow” factor goal in mind, I wondered why meditation would be so highly recommended for individuals.

Physical, mental, and emotional benefits

Calmness, focus, centeredness, happiness, better health, and self-love are all benefits of meditation. It seems that as each year goes by, more and more research demonstrates the healing benefits of mindfulness[1] or meditation for more and more things. Pain, mental illness, stress, and burnout is just a few of the things it can help with. Just google “research meditation” or “research mindfulness” and you’ll notice a plethora of information at your fingertips.

When I taught Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) to teens and adults, mindfulness was a key component to this therapy. The main benefit of mindfulness in DBT is to help a person pause and connect with their thoughts & emotions and how they are using this information to interact with the world. Many other types of psychotherapy involving mindfulness have been created too, with the most famous probably being Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) created by Jon-Kabat Zinn. In other psychotherapies, the word mindfulness is never mentioned, but it is used in practice to help a person connect to their emotions and bring awareness to thoughts.

Spiritual benefits

If you’re on a spiritual path, meditation seems a key part in going deeper into one’s spiritual journey whether it be with a religion or a more general spiritual path. Meditation allows a person to connect beyond themselves to something on a much grander scale – God, the universe, specific religious individuals such as Jesus or Buddha, and more.

Where Do I Start (or restart)?

Books

Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book Wherever You Go, There You Are, was one of the books that inspired me to start meditation. It’s an easy read with short chapters. This book is especially helpful if you’re interested in the Physical, Mental, & Emotional benefits. If you’re a person who is interested in being mindful but doesn’t want to sit quietly in meditation, this book provides many other options. You can do anything mindfully. Really.
Want a book that also captures the spiritual benefits? Michael A. Singer’s The Untethered Soul is succinct and you can tell from the depth and simplicity of this book that he is a seasoned meditator.

YouTube Meditations

There are a lot of guided meditations available on YouTube, it can be a matter of trying a few to find your favourites.

Tara Brach is my favourite person to listen to for a guided meditation. I love her voice and her variety of meditations. You can find many selections on her website or on YouTube.

Apps

There are many apps related to mindfulness and meditation. After not meditating for many months, I tried the 14-day trial with Headspace. This was a great way to hear if I liked the person’s voice for guided meditation and try out some of their meditations. When flying on Air Canada earlier this year I found some of their meditations available on the online entertainment system.

After the 14-day trial I decided to buy a subscription for a year (They offer a great discount after you’ve completed the trial). I really appreciate the options to have a 1 minute or a 30-minute meditation. Also my screen can be dark and it can keep playing (unlike YouTube). Some days I’m happy if I meditated for 1 minute. Other days I want to meditate for a longer time. They also have great packages for different topics such as sleep, restlessness, worry and more.

Summary

If you notice in your life that it feels busy, even a few minutes of meditation a day can provide benefits of restoration and calm. Often between sessions with clients a take a few minutes to connect to myself and shift my energy from the past client to the next one.

I don’t use the word mindfulness in most of my sessions, but often I’m helping clients to connect with themselves in a deeper way to find the solutions that they seek. Many of us like to spend time in our minds, and while we would benefit from connecting with our bodies or our emotions, we are often not practiced at doing so. We are often on the move.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you found something to inspire you to start or restart your journey with meditation!

[1] Meditation is a form of mindfulness. There are many ways to be mindful without meditating, but meditation is a popular method of mindfulness.

Three Inspiring TedTalks By People Who Have Been Suicidal

January 18, 2018 by Juanita Lepage 1 Comment

When you have been struggling with mental health problems for many years or you have a child who has been struggling, you can start to worry about future. Will I be okay? Will my loved one be okay?

If you have touched the place where you or your loved one have considered suicide, it can be helpful to find people in your personal life or in the public world who inspire you. People in this world who have been where you are and have found healing and moments of peace or joy.

First look around you in your life – is there anyone who inspires you? If not, broaden your lens to celebrities or leaders in the public eye.

Here are three stories to inspire you when you’re scared, hopeless or worried. When a person shares that he has been suicidal, it can be a place to foster connection and reduce shame. Jane McGonigal, Tim Ferriss, and Andrew Solomon have very different stories that led each of them to consider suicide and then find a path towards healing.

Tim Ferriss: Why You Should Define Your Fears Instead Of Your Goals

It is a new year and often we begin with goals and resolutions for the year ahead. Tim Ferriss, who has been diagnosed with bipolar and had over 50 episodes of depression, talks about how fear-setting has been a much more powerful tool than goal-setting. Tim Ferriss is a successful entrepreneur who has a gift of sharing his vulnerabilities and learnings with compassion, insight, and depth. He has an excellent podcast and multiple books on the New York Times bestseller list.

Jane McGonigal: The Game That Can Give You 10 Extra Years Of Life

Jane experienced an acquired brain injury (ABI) and was at a point in her challenging journey where she was on the precipice of suicide. Jane is a video-game designer who used her creativity and outside-the-box thinking to find a route to healing that has inspired many others. This talk will have a two-fold benefit for parents. She gives parents reasons to consider the benefits of video-games when used in a mindful way. Screen time is such a hot topic with parents, and she offers research and humor along the way.

Andrew Solomon: Depression, The Secret We Share

If you have ever had depression or know someone with depression this TedTalk is vital to watch. Andrew Solomon is a writer and lecturer about psychology and so much more. He has multiple best-selling books. He shares his journey with depression and feeling suicidal with depth and wisdom. There isn’t one way to treat depression – it is a highly personal journey.

Who are your inspirations that lift you up on tough days?