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Juanita Lepage MSW, RSW, BHP

Counselling & Energy Healing (289) 812-8089 Hamilton, Ontario

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authenticity

Prince Harry & Gabor Maté

March 6, 2023 by Juanita Lepage Leave a Comment

I had just finished reading Prince Harry’s book, Spare. A few weeks prior to that I had lightly read Gabor Maté’s new book, The Myth of Normal (sorry Gabor, that book was longer than I wanted it to be). I was contemplating a post about Prince Harry’s book when…

Imagine my delight when my inbox flashed with an invitation to sign up for an exclusive interview between Gabor and Harry. From an undisclosed location of course.

If you’ve ever seen Gabor live, you will know that he’s very authentic. He shows up quirks and all. He will be kind, he will be reflective, but he won’t hide behind any niceties. So I was curious to see how this interview would enfold.

Spare

I loved reading this book by Prince Harry. The reference to the word Spare is what he was called at birth. They had the Heir – William and the Spare – Harry.

After having decades of people telling their version of his story in the media, he takes the time to share what it was like to grow up with extreme wealth & privilege while at the same time trying to fit the mold of what he was supposed to be like to be accepted by his family. He shares his wounds and his healing journey.

Book Cover: Spare

The Myth of Normal

If you’ve read any of Gabor Maté’s books – When the Body Says No, Scattered Minds (ADHD), or in the Realm of Hungry Ghosts (Addiction), there is a strong theme of exploring the myth of what is deemed “normal”. I highly recommend all of his books. The Myth of Normal felt like that beautiful moment when the central themes of previous books come together into one.

Book Cover: Myth of Normal

The Interview

One of the strong themes that Gabor & Harry discussed was the universal dilemma of authenticity vs. attachment. When we are children, we learn what is acceptable by our families and what is not. We then learn to engage with people and the world in different ways to manage that reality.

Prince Harry found areas in his life where he started to connect with his authenticity when being in the army and Botswana, but anytime he returned to London excited by some of this, it was quickly crushed down or disregarded.

As adults when we try to continue to use child-hood patterns of coping, these coping mechanisms often start to fail at some point. This leads us to find ways to manage the symptoms that emerge. Sometimes it shows up as a diagnoses, sometimes it shows up as regular substance use or abuse, sometimes it shows up in repressing emotions or reacting in violence (verbally or physically) or passive-aggressively.

At some point, we may seek help to see our blind-spots, bring compassion to these areas, and consider different ways to be and live in our lives.

Prince Harry’s 6 Methods of Healing

Prince Harry talks about writing this book as an act of service. In a world where men often feel like they’re not supposed to be vulnerable, he wants men to see that vulnerability can be freeing.

Gabor and Harry summarized his main sources of healing

  1. Therapy: Bringing awareness, acknowledgement & processing past pains and intentionally making new choices for the future
  2. Nature: Harry talks about how being outside, wherever he has been in the world, has helped him connect to who he is
  3. Meditation: He’s an on-again off-again meditator, but found it helpful as a tool
  4. Psychedelics: He described how these helped him remove life’s filters and redefined reality for himself. Both he and Gabor talked about how how psychedelic use (with a guided professional) helped them see the unconscious parts of themselves and process some of this.
  5. Relationship: Harry talks about how his relationship with Meghan (and others) helped him see his blind-spots and become a better person. They also brought healing and attachment when he showed his authenticity.
  6. Service to Others: He talks about how starting a non-profit for war veterans and also his environmental and community work in Botswana as being big sources of healing for him

The Gifts

Freedom

The risk of breaking out of old patterns is the loss of attachment from important people in one’s life. Prince Harry talked about how challenging it has been too lose attachment with people he loves. At the same time, you could see the relief and joy on his face as he expressed the gift he has been given from this process: Freedom.

Facing his Racism with his silence

He also talked about his journey to own his white privilege and speak out and take action against racism.

Love

Perhaps the biggest gift he got was a more loving relationships. He and Gabor talked about the importance of touch. Both grew up in environments with the loss of physical touch for different reasons.

“It’s All About Energy”

I couldn’t have made this up if I even tried. Yes, they both talked about energy – how our energy impacts those around us and becoming aware of that and making decisions based on this. Many of us can pick up energy in a room and whether it’s a good time to be there or not. As an Energy Healer, I just loved that they said it out loud. 100 percent.

Last Thoughts

This was a thoughtful interview. You can tell that they don’t know each other well, and that Gabor has read The Spare whereas Prince Harry has not read The Myth of Normal. I continue to be awed by Gabor’s energy and his willingness to show up and have challenging conversations with empathy and curiosity. Prince Harry very generously shares more of himself, when it might be easier not to.

During Christmas this year, my husband’s family got into a friendly debate about Prince Harry & Meghan doing things that seem the opposite of wanting privacy. The people who had watched the Netflix special had empathy for them. Those who hadn’t watched it had much less. Gabor highlights this feedback as being similar online – those who haven’t read the book or watched the Netflix series can show up has judgmental and cruel online. Those who have taken the time to read The Spare or watch the Netflix Series see things with much kinder eyes and words.

Did you watch the interview, the Netflix series or read Prince Harry’s book? Did you feel more empathy for them afterwards? I’d love to hear your thoughts and reactions.

Filed Under: Psychotherapy and Counselling Articles Tagged With: attachment, authenticity, gabor mate, healing, prince harry

Racism, Fierce Women And Pleasure: 2020 Summertime Reads

August 10, 2020 by Juanita Lepage Leave a Comment

So, Racism. Let’s start there because it’s the most important in today’s blog. The world paid attention after the death of George Floyd, and so did I. As a white woman I’ve been spending some time reading, connecting to others, reflecting on what I need to change and starting to make some changes. This large cultural change that needs to happen starts with each of us making a change and it feels very much like a marathon goal and not a sprint.

I’ve included a few books that I’ve read in regards to racism and one of my goals has been to continue this process, so as I continue to find ones I like, I’ll recommend them in my blog on occasion.

As I’ve started to explore my own racism and support of systemic racism more deeply, it has felt heavy and overwhelming at times. I’m a person who can go deeply into heavy topics, but I need to balance it with doing things that bring me joy, pleasure, and peace. It can feel wrong to do these things when so many horrible things are happening around us, but it is very important. For me if I spend time in joy, pleasure, & peace, this allows me to continue exploring this topic of racism and spending energy on making changes. So I’ve included 2 other books today, and while neither of these books are what I would call beach reads, I wanted to include them. But please read those beach reads! I’ve been reading them too, they just didn’t make the list today.

Today’s Books

  1. Born a Crime by Trevor Noah
  2. The Skin We’re In by Desmond Cole
  3. White Fragility by Robin Diangelo
  4. Untamed by Glennon Doyle
  5. Find Your Pleasure by Cynthia Loyst

Born a Crime by Trevor Noah

Born a Crime by Trevor Noah

This was my favourite read. This book is a gift for us all in that Trevor is able to talk about his experiences with racism and oppression in South Africa with candor and humour. He talks about the complexities of racism within the black community and the racist and sexist systems built by white South Africans. Racism is not hidden in South Africa. In Canada, we like to spend time looking at other countries racism and ignoring our own. This book helped me reflect on what lies beneath the surface of our systems here in Canada. I had mixtures of laughter and tears while reading this book. You will end this book loving his mother and in awe of Trevor Noah.

The Skin We’re In by Desmond Cole

The Skin We're In: A Year of Black Resistance and Power: Cole, Desmond:  9780385686341: Books - Amazon.ca

If you’re a white Canadian (and especially Ontarian), if you read any book about racism, I’d recommend this one. Desmond is a black activist and writer based in Toronto, Ontario. He names how the the Canadian media consistently omits the racism happening in our own cities and country and focuses on what is happening in the USA. He details a month by month account of 2017 and racism and systemic racism he challenges in the school board, with the police, in major newspapers and provincial & federal agencies.

As a white woman I realize that I’ve had the privilege of choosing not to read the news when I don’t want to and also the privilege of feeling safe with the police and other agencies. This book was such a gift in that it wasn’t some random facebook article and you’d never find it in the big media outlets because of who owns the big Canadian Newspapers and Media. Read it! And then reflect on which systems in your life you need to hold accountable for change.

White Fragility by Robin Diangelo

White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism:  DiAngelo, Robin, Dyson, Michael Eric ...

This is THE book that I’ve seen as recommended reading on anti-racism. Full disclosure, I haven’t read it all. It’s very helpful, but it’s written by an academic and you can tell. She has lots of videos online. I recommend this Youtube video as a start and then take this book chapter by chapter as she explains what white fragility is and how it shows up in our lives. My understanding is that white fragility shows up as a feeling of defensiveness that white people have when black people name that white people are acting racist. There are feelings of denial and shame. Robin shares how most white people aren’t racist in the conventional sense of hating black people, but that white people are complicit in keeping systemic racism in place by our silence about oppressive behaviours.

Robin asks us to notice our reaction when white or black people get angry in a large group. How do we perceive when men or women get angry in a group? Who’s the loudest? Who’s silent? Who ultimately gets heard?

I read a great facebook post that was shared through the myriad of threads that encouraged us all to reflect on the many forms of fragility in our lives – male fragility that arises with the request for equal pay among genders and the #MeToo movement, or the extensive heterosexual fragility when homosexuals were asking for the right to marry too and not be persecuted for their sexuality. The list goes on and on. What kind of fragility do you have in your life?

Untamed by Glennon Doyle

Untamed by Glennon Doyle

This book is raw, honest, heart-open writing. A friend had listened to the audiobook and recommended it to me (Thank you!). Glennon describes her pattern of writing books and then realizing afterwards that she no longer has the same reflections about her life. It seems that after this book (and me now following her now on Instagram) things have shifted for the better for her. She was/is? a Christian woman who was committed to her faith and her husband. She then worked through a period of his infidelity and after committing to stay, she met Abby Wombach (famous soccer player) at a Book Event and realized that she was attracted to her. She writes about this experience and ultimately her decision to divorce her husband and marry Abby.

She also talks about the realization that if she listens to herself, she is always guided about what to do that meets both her and society’s higher needs. This is what psychotherapy often does too. Our society has been built on telling people they need to go outside themselves to find the answers to their questions. This starts in parenting and our school systems and culture. What if you really could trust your own instincts? Or as Glennon infers, “What if you are really a wild cheetah but you’ve just been tamed? What if you started the practice of untaming yourself?” The focus of the book is on women, but it could be applied to any gender. She is also ahead of the curve of most white people (including me) in regards to racism and reflects on her own journey.

Find Your Pleasure by Cynthia Loyst

Find Your Pleasure | Book by Cynthia Loyst | Official Publisher Page |  Simon & Schuster Canada

I happened up on this book at my local library and was introduced to Cynthia Loyst, who created a beautiful coffee-table book about simple ways to mindfully choose pleasure in your life. This book isn’t a must read, but a gentle reminder and inspiration to nourish ourselves and experience joy. When we do this we create greater space for growth within ourselves and compassion for others.

Phew! That’s a lot of books. I hope that I offered you a little inspiration as you either start or continue your conversations about racism with friends and family, and to also give yourself permission to have some pleasure & nourishment too along the way and within the greater context of the pandemic and all the extra stresses that it brings too.

Filed Under: Psychotherapy and Counselling Articles Tagged With: authenticity, Cynthia Loyst, desmond cole, glennon doyle, Pleasure, racism, robin diangelo, trevor noah

The Authentic Self Is The Soul Made Visible.

March 7, 2019 by Juanita Lepage Leave a Comment

While sifting through many quotes today, I found this quote that resonated with me about authenticity. One of the benefits of psychotherapy is helping you connect to the deeper parts of yourself, perhaps to a place that can feel lost, hazy, or buried. Many problems can occur in our lives when we lose connection with this part of ourselves.

Have you listened to that deeper part of yourself recently?

Filed Under: Spirituality Tagged With: authenticity, psychotherapy

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